Finley Peter Dunne Quotes
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The American nation in the sixth ward is a fine people; they love the eagle - on the back of a dollar.
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A firm belief atthracts facts. They come out iv holes in the ground an' cracks in th' wall to support belief, but they run away fr'm doubt.
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Most vegetarians I ever see looked enough like their food to be classed as cannibals.
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No, sir, th' dimmycratic party ain't on speakin' terms with itsilf. Whin ye see two men with white neckties go into a sthreet car an' set in opposite corners while wan mutthers Thraiter an' th' other hisses Miscreent ye can bet they're two dimmycratic leaders thryin' to reunite th' gran' ol' party.
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Opportunity knocks at every man's door once. On some men's door it hammers till it breaks down the door and then it goes in and wakes him up if he's asleep, and ever afterward it works for him as a night watchman.
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Swearing was invented as a compromise between running away and fighting.
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I wonder why you can always read a doctor's bill and you can never read his prescription.
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Meditation is a gift confined to unknown philosophers and cows. Others don't begin to think till they begin to talk or write.
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If ye live enough befure thirty ye won't care to live at all afther fifty.
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It [Thanksgiving] was founded by the Puritans to give thanks for bein' preserved from the Indians, an' we keep it to give thanks we are preserved from the Puritans.
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Work is work if you're paid to do it, and it's a pleasure if you pay to be allowed to do it.
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Many a man that couldn't direct ye to th' drug store on th' corner when he was thirty will get a respectful hearin' when age has further impaired his mind.
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What is instinct? It is the natural tendency in one when filled with dismay to turn to his wife.
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If a man is wise, he gets rich an' if he gets rich, he gets foolish, or his wife does. That's what keeps the money movin' around.
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Th' Turkey bur-rd's th' rale cause iv Thanksgivin'. He's th' naytional air. Abolish th' Turkey an' ye desthroy th' tie that binds us as wan people.
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Even an Englishman was niver improved by bein' blown up.
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Many a man that could rule a hundherd millyon sthrangers with an ir'n hand is careful to take off his shoes in the front hallway whin he comes home late at night.
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A rayformer thinks he was ilicted because he was a rayformer, whin th thruth iv th matther is he was ilicted because no wan knew him.
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A Mormon is a man that has the bad taste and the religion to do what a good many other people are restrained from doing by conscientious scruples and the police.
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A man can be right and president, but he can't be both at the same time.
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To most people a savage nation is wan that doesn't wear oncomf'rtable clothes.
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When the American people get through with the English language, it will look as if it had been run over by a musical comedy.
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Alcohol is necessary for a man so that he can have a good opinion of himself, undisturbed by the facts.
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Trust ivrybody-but cut th' cards.