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I care not who makes th' laws iv a nation, if I can get out an injunction.
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The last man that makes a joke owns it.
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When the American people get through with the English language, it will look as if it had been run over by a musical comedy.
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High finance isn't burglary or obtaining money by false pretenses, but rather a judicious selection from the best features of those fine arts.
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Alcohol is necessary for a man so that he can have a good opinion of himself, undisturbed by the facts.
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Stories are meant to comfort the afflicted, and afflict the comfortable.
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It is more comfortable to feel that we are a slight improvement on a monkey than such a fallin' off from the angels.
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I niver knew a pollytician to go wrong ontil he's been contaminated by contact with a business man.
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Th' first thing to have in a libry is a shelf. Fr'm time to time this can be decorated with lithrachure. But th' shelf is th' main thing.
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That is, no matther whether th' constitution follows th' flag or not, th' supreme coort follows th' iliction returns.
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Politics ain't beanbag: 'tis a man's game, and women, children 'n' pro-hy-bitionists had best stay out of it.
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Drink never made a man better, but it has made many a man think he was better.
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A man's idea in a game of cards is war, cruel, devastating, and pitiless. A lady's idea of it is a combination of larceny, embezzlement and burglary.
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A game you play with your own worst enemy-yourself.