Craig Ferguson Quotes
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bends over *errgh* Sorry for making that noise, but … that's what happens when you get older. One day what happens is that you bend over, and you never come back.
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When beginning the cold open with another person Please state your name for the camera.
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'Laughter separates us from despair and gives us a chance at love.'
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'He's quiet as well, especially if you stalk him.'
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to camera Excuse me for just a second. walks off-camera, to studio audience Shut up!
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reading an email 'Dear Craig, … are your letters written by your writers?' No. 'Does this make me one of your writers?' (ponders) Yes. 'Why haven't I been paid?' Because you're one of my writers!
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Love at first sight is not rare, in fact it is extremely common, it happens to some people a few times a year. The feeling of 'what if' when meeting the eyes of a stranger can be love unrecognized.
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I'm TV's Craig Ferguson, please sit down relax and: 'take off your pants'; 'dip your hand into a bowl of warm water and fall fast asleep'; etc.
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That's here on CBS, where the 'C' stands for 'Classy' and the 'BS' speaks for itself.
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Craig Ferguson: Do you do therapy?Hugh Laurie: I see a gentleman once a week.Craig Ferguson: I love it, I'm a great convert.Hugh Laurie: Therapy?Craig Ferguson: No, just seeing a gentleman once a week.
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Change is the law of God's mind and resistance to it is the source of all pain.
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The Secretariat horse character reveals his true identity, and it happens to be Bob Newhart.
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Just a warning: If you're a bunch of sexy teenagers at a lake where other sexy teenagers were killed 30 years ago, leave! The guy in the forest with a hockey mask... maybe doesn't play hockey.
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Clive Barker: It's an excuse to look at my groin.Craig Ferguson: I'm European - I don't need an excuse.
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By the way, there's a place on Hollywood Boulevard where you can get a _____ for twenty bucks.
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Like many of her sex, Sophie was fiercely competitive with other women, working on the crackpot theory that if she could be better in some way, men would like her more, respect her. Make her happy. She never cottoned on that the men she was attracted to, the men who found her attractive, didn’t like women.
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In a Scottish opera, it ain't over 'till the fat lady bitch-slaps you.
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As a vulgar lounge entertainer, my business relies on ridiculous stereotypes! If these people start using deodorant, I might as well just go home!
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Do what you love, and what you're proud of, and you're fuckin' bulletproof. You're fuckin' bulletproof. If you do what you absolutely believe to be right, then you're fuckin' bulletproof.
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to Rupert Grint Look at the great city of LA stretched out in front of you, son: there's dangerous people living in that cardboard backdrop.
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I'm a vulgar lounge entertainer, I don't need to wear a tie.
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Oh, this isn't a talk show; it's more just filling time, really, 'til the infomercials start.
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I enjoy bathing, as many Europeans don't.
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I view my own body as a petting zoo. I am the main attraction... And the only customer.