Golf Quotes
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I graduated with about 23 people, so if you were the least bit athletic, you kind of had to play everything. So I played baseball, basketball, football, ran track, and played golf.
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I've always - I grew up on the old-style traditional type of golf course, tree lined and all small greens, big undulations. And Oakmont just fit my eye.
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Extremely large greens breed slovenly play. When any green ceases to command respect, it loses its value as a test of that rarest of all strokes, the shot home.
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Golf is the only game I know where you call a foul on yourself.
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You can't pick up a golf club if your thumb hurts.
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When you look at facing retirement in your mid-30s, and all of a sudden the outlet for that passion and work ethic goes away, you can't just sit back in a rocking chair and be retired at 35. I'm not a good enough golfer to play golf every day.
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The Masters is more like a vast Edwardian garden party than a golf tournament.
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Golf made me feel like a loser. So I dismissed it.
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Golf is like 99.9 percent of my life, and then there's school. I don't get much time to go out with my friends.
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I just hate to see what's happening today with golf clubs that I consider to be illegal, ... I'd stop the grooves being so deep (on the ball), and I'd stop the trampoline effect in the wood.
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I don't play golf. I have more fun singing and dancing.
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I did play other sports growing up. I played cricket and all those other things, but I was just so much more talented in golf, and that's all I wanted to do.
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The business man - the man to whom age brings golf instead of wisdom.
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It is nothing new or original to say that golf is played one stroke at a time. But it took me many years to realize it.
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Golf may be a hussy, but I love her.
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I'm obsessed with golf, so I love going to play golf.
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And then who comes along to save the day? A couple of tool-belt wearing, golf-loving, Dinah Shore weekend lesbians sent from heaven.
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The secret of golf is to turn three shots into two.
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I'm a golf junkie. I watch every tournament pretty much. I watch interviews. I watch warm-up routines. All that stuff.
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I watch golf, just looking at the pros, and I'm in awe of how they play. Not one particular player - maybe all the players.
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As far as standup, everybody has a vehicle they are driving. If what you do works, it's like playing golf. If you can master that one swing over and over again, you will be successful. That's what standup is. You have to have a central move and it has to be yours. You have to own your comedy, own what you do.
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When the path ahead of you is uphill, surrounded by rough spots, hazards and obstacles: use a pitching wedge.
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When it comes down to it, I'm thinking about football all the time. When I'm on the golf course, I'm thinking about it. It's never out of your brain.
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In golf, the player, coach and official are rolled into one, and they overlap completely. Golf really is the best microcosm of life - or at least the way life should be.
