Golf Quotes
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I watch golf on television, although I don't golf - except for visits to the driving range in spurts.
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My dad is a big dreamer, so I got that from him. Golf was my main thing when I was a teenager, and that's what I wanted to do.
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I just enjoy playing in wind, grew up in it, and it makes the golf a bit more fun.
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I was never interested in golf until someone brought up the Get Golf Ready program to me.
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In other games you get another chance. In baseball you get three cracks at it; in tennis you lose only one point. But in golf the loss of one shot has been responsible for the loss of heart.
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You're the only one in control over your golf ball. It's not like tennis: you're hitting a shot and somebody's hitting it back at you.
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And then who comes along to save the day? A couple of tool-belt wearing, golf-loving, Dinah Shore weekend lesbians sent from heaven.
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I get in my golf cart with my dogs, I have five dogs.
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You are going to hit some good shots and not get rewarded, but that's just U.S. Open golf. It's tough; it's hard.
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I thought I would just become a pro at a golf course.
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I feel it's important to be active. People who retire, sit by their swimming pool and golf course and plan to relax have a very empty life.
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When you make a mistake, the ocean gives you an instant reminder. You get punished. If golf clubs could shock you every time you hit the ball wrong, we'd probably learn how to play golf pretty well.
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I never got on the course with my dad, but to be playing golf with my kids - that's a dream.
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That's the great thing about golf is you never know who is going to win. On good, tough golf courses, it brings it back to the best players. But it's always the best player that week is going to win. I mean, so it could be anybody.
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As far as standup, everybody has a vehicle they are driving. If what you do works, it's like playing golf. If you can master that one swing over and over again, you will be successful. That's what standup is. You have to have a central move and it has to be yours. You have to own your comedy, own what you do.
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The life of a professional golfer is precarious at best. Win, and they carry you to the clubhouse on their shoulders. Lose, and you pay the caddies in the dark.
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It was cool for a couple of weeks, but how much bad golf can you play?
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You figure they cheat at the ballpark, they'll cheat on the golf course, they'll cheat in business, and anything else in life. Players may laugh about it and say it's funny, but right down in their heart, they don't think it's funny at all, and they have no respect for a person who cheats.
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I went to PE classes and started getting kids out there, ... They'd say, 'I've never played golf before,' and I'd say, 'I don't care.'
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Man has been breeding livestock for ten thousand years and has yet to come up with a monstrous sheep that can trample buildings and graze a whole golf course for breakfast.
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Prejudice hasn't changed to this day, not in golf. Maybe in other sports.
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Placing the ball in the right position for the next shot is eighty percent of winning golf.
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If I played golf, I'd be on the golf course every day, but I just can't wear those dumb pants.
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There is no king of golf. Never has been, never will be. Golf is the most democratic game on Earth... It punishes and exalts us all with splendid equal opportunity.
