Charlie Brooker Quotes
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I won't get over that in a hurry: my least favourite atrophied Hazel McWitch lookalike in the world, singing 'I just want to make love to you', right there on primetime telly. She has to be the only person on Earth who can take a lyric like that and make it seem like a blood-curdling threat without changing any of the words.
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If love were a product, the queue at the faulty goods desk would stretch right round the universe and back. It doesn't work properly. The seams come apart and it's full of powdered glass.
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The upper classes really shouldn't open their mouths on television. Whatever it is they're saying, all your brain actually hears is 'Tra la la, I live in a bubble, tra la la, murder a fox, tra la la, Conde Nast Traveller, tra la la, Kensington High Street, tra la la.' They should know their place and keep quiet.
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The majority of people are perfectly capable of interacting with retail staff without spitting on them or whipping their hides like dawdling cattle, but Planet Earth still harbours more than its fair share of disappointments.
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There's so much stuff flying around online, and it's so easy to get into arguments with people.
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We're inseparable, games and I. If you cut me, I'd bleed pixels. Or blood. Probably blood, come to think of it.
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Calling Batman 'the Dark Knight' is like calling Papa Smurf 'the Blue Patriarch':you're not fooling anyone.
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The fashion industry is an immense cultural and social blight that only gets a free pass because its would-be detractors are scared it'll start criticising their haircut.
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I do worry about civil unrest, or complete collapse of society, or having to flee, or Europe falling into a war.
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He could probably make you a cloud sandwich if you asked. Or a blancmange made of numbers.
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When you meet people you've interacted with on social media, they are not like they are on social media.
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Actually, I think this might be an Al-Qaeda recruitment film.
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When you're being earnest, people think you're being sarcastic, and when you're being sarcastic, they think you're being earnest. The moral in all this, of course, is that people should never attempt to communicate.
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Don't accuse anyone with the temerity to question your sad supernatural fantasies of having a 'closed mind' or being 'blind to possibilities'. A closed mind asks no questions, unthinkingly accepting that which it wants to believe. The blindness is all yours.'16
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I can quickly go to a place where I worry about society spiralling out of control.
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Is hacking ever acceptable? It depends on the motive.
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With Boris Johnson, you don't think of him as a politician, oddly. You think of him as a media personality because he's a comic character. He's basically Homer Simpson. That makes him strangely bullet-proof.
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I'm not anti-technology at all, really.
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People always assume I went to public school, which I didn't, so that immediately puts me somewhere.
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I can't rank anything. I mean, how could anyone possibly say what their favourite piece of music is? I don't have the ability or the desire to categorise things of that nature.
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At 16, I was drawing cartoons, and I wanted to carry on being a cartoonist.
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Online, you're trying to appeal to everyone and people who you don't know at the same time. So I think, as a side effect, it amplifies the desire for groupthink.
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The logical quandaries thrown up by well-meaning systems are clearly something that I find darkly amusing.
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That's certainly made me think. It's made me think I don't want a television any more.