Chelsea Handler Quotes

If you're a member of my family, whether immediate or extended, and you want to see my show, don't.

Chelsea Handler

• Family

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Quotes to Explore

• I think my numbers speak for themselves.

  

  Jack Youngblood
  • Think
  • Speak
  • Numbers

• The billable hours is a classic case of restricted autonomy. I mean, you're working on - I mean, sometimes on these six-minute increments. So you're not focused on doing a good job. You're focused on hitting your numbers. It's one reason why lawyers typically are so unhappy. And I want a world of happy lawyers.

  

  Dan Pink
  • World
  • Good
  • Why

• I don't think my mother and father ever had any doubts about what I was to be punished for or not. My parents come from a very strictly defined culture.

  

  B. F. Skinner
  • Mother
  • Father
  • Parents

• I've wanted to be an actor for such a long time that I haven't had anything else in my thoughts. I think my family would have quite liked me to be a lawyer.

  

  Ed Speleers
  • Time
  • Long
  • Family

• I always knew I would make the record that I made in 'Carter Girl.'

  

  Carlene Carter
  • Girl
  • Always
  • Made

• We had something very special in the Faces. We were blessed to have the fun we had.

  

  Ian McLagan Small Faces
  • Fun
  • Blessed
  • Faces

• As long as there is cash, and the economy is running, all is well. But as a bank, we'll have to test, experiment, try a hundred different things. A few may work, a few may fail, but we have to experiment and try.

  

  Uday Kotak
  • Work
  • Different
  • Long

• There's a whole element of human interaction and character interaction that I really enjoy doing.

  

  Orlando Bloom
  • Character
  • Enjoy
  • Doing

• No man has a good enough memory to be a successful liar.

  

  Abraham Lincoln
  • Good
  • Man
  • Funny

• I have, like, two and a half years of failed jokes that I know I wouldn't repeat, but I certainly have no comprehension of what definitely works. And the only gauge that I can go by is, 'This makes me laugh,' and is joyful... I like to, if possible, do things that people can enjoy and it doesn't take anybody down.

  

  Taran Killam
  • People
  • Enjoy
  • Laugh

• Get me well so I can get on television and tell people to stop smoking.

  

  Nat King Cole
  • People
  • Stop
  • Television

• In real life, coincidences happen all the time. In novels, they are leapt upon with fury.

  

  Harlan Coben
  • Life
  • Time
  • Real

• Natural gas is better distributed than any other fuel in the United States. It's down every street and up every alley. There's a pipeline.

  

  T. Boone Pickens
  • Up
  • Better
  • Down

• Of course the United States and Russia have different interests. Nevertheless, both are strategic partners.

  

  Valentina Matviyenko
  • Different
  • United States
  • Russia

• There's obviously a group who enjoys what Tyler Perry is putting out there. And why fault them? And there's a group that loves the things that Spike does. So they should enjoy that, too. Is it my taste? Maybe not, but I'm not going to fault anybody for doing what they're doing as long as people are showing up.

  

  Wanda Sykes
  • People
  • Up
  • Long

• Even without an economic downturn, women sometimes want to keep their shopping habits to themselves.

  

  Natalie Massenet
  • Women
  • Shopping
  • Habits

• I've never walked away from any of my positions. I take pride in them.

  

  Nancy Pelosi
  • Never
  • Pride
  • Away

• I like the idea of sending my Aquazurra girls out with a lucky charm under their feet.

  

  Edgardo Osorio
  • Idea
  • Lucky
  • Feet

• Filipinos are not worse than any other colonized people except that our colonization was a little longer, and the independence movement was always dictated in political terms, never in social ones. We borrowed terms, but we didn't understand them.

  

  Ferdinand Marcos
  • People
  • Political
  • Independence

• I would sit in my dorm room and write songs. I loved it. I was learning to sing and play guitar. I was becoming a musician. I was the beginner who somehow could write a song.

  

  Mat Kearney
  • Song
  • Learning

• There are a lot of funny people in my family. Absolutely. There were a lot of jokes growing up around the dinner table, for sure. We didn't grow up in a creative family.

  

  Nate Corddry
  • People
  • Up
  • Family

• My family and I participate in 'Cycle for Survival.' it was started by a friend of my wife's who lost his wife to a rare form of cancer.

  

  Brian Krzanich
  • Family
  • Lost
  • Friend

• Social media websites are no longer performing an envisaged function of creating a positive communication link among friends, family and professionals. It is a veritable battleground, where insults fly from the human quiver, damaging lives, destroying self-esteem and a person's sense of self-worth.

  

  Anthony Carmona
  • Family
  • Friends
  • Positive

• If you're a member of my family, whether immediate or extended, and you want to see my show, don't.

  

  Chelsea Handler
  • Family