Daniel Handler Quotes
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she gave me a puzzled frown like she thought offhand i was dead but the media's so unreliable these days.
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A newspaper, as I'm sure you know, is a collection of supposedly true stories written down by writers who either saw them happen or talked to people who did. These writers are called journalists, and like telephone operators, butchers, ballerinas, and people who clean up after horses, journalists can sometimes make mistakes. - Lemony Snicket
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My stepfather said that the amount of treachery in this world is enormous, and that the best we could do was one small noble thing.
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Unfortunately, I have dedicated my life to researching and recording the sad tale of the Baudelaire Orphans. There is no reason for you to dedicate yourself to such things, and you might instead dedicate yourself to letting this slippery book slip from your hands into a nearby trash receptacle, or deep pit.
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… the point is, why is there cruelty? Why do people ask other people to do impossible things? why behave this way? why is there mean, when there are better things than mean, love particularly?
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Dear Dairy,
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'Yeah, I have a question,' said the guy with the wicked eyes... 'My question is, I quit. I'm going to quit.'
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Never mind what you were doing, Olaf said. You're fired!You can't fire me! Esme growled. I quit!Well, you can leave by mutual agreement, Olaf grumbled and then with another succinct Ha! he lifted the harpoon gun and pointed it at Dewey Denouement.
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This was that day if you know what I mean.
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I find you interesting, Joe, so nearly everything you say will be interesting too. I love you. I could say I'm lonely but that's not the only reason.
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I will love you no matter how many mistakes I make when trying to reduce fractions, and no matter how difficult it is to memorize the periodic table.
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Fate is like a strange, unpopular restaurant filled with odd waiters who bring you things you never asked for and don't always like.
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The rain, the rain, the rain. You can't even hear it outside the window but still it's a sad thing. Rain, the grade school teachers say, makes the trees and flowers grow, but we're not trees and flower, and so many grade school teachers are single.
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People aren't either wicked or noble,' the hook-handed man said. They're like chef's salad, with good things and bad things chopped and mixed together in a vinaigrette of confusion and conflict.
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There is evil out there you cannot even imagine. -Captain Widdershins
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I think books that are meant to be read in the nighttime ought to confront the very fears that we're trying to think about.
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I like writing for movies. It's nice to be alone working on fiction in your room, and then it's nice to be in a room with a bunch of people working on a movie.
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Just about everything in this world is easier said than done, with the exception of ‘systematically assisting Sisyphus’s stealthy, syst-susceptible sister,’ which is easier done than said. - Lemony Snicket
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Violet said...'We've never known anyone who could remain so cheerful, no matter what terrible things occurred.
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In order to spare you any further repulsion, it would be best not to mention any of the unpleasant details of this story, particularly a secret message, a toboggan, a deceitful trap, a swarm of snow gnats, a scheming villain, a troupe of organized youngsters, a covered casserole dish, and a surprising survivor of a terrible fire.
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Over the years they had developed a layer of sincerity over the irony over the sincerity. It was an irony sandwich, then, which tasted mostly like sincerity, like a cheap, bad sandwich.
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Lemony Snicket
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Love can smack you like a seagull, and pour all over your feet like junkmail. You can't be ready for such a thing any more than salt water taffy gets you ready for the ocean.
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Why do so many things end in fire?