Daniel Handler Quotes
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'Yeah, I have a question,' said the guy with the wicked eyes... 'My question is, I quit. I'm going to quit.'
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Truth be told, within the chapters that make up this dreadful story, the children will face snapping crabs, strict punishments, dripping fungus, comprehensive exams, violin recitals, S.O.R.E., and the metric system.
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she gave me a puzzled frown like she thought offhand i was dead but the media's so unreliable these days.
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Unfortunately, I have dedicated my life to researching and recording the sad tale of the Baudelaire Orphans. There is no reason for you to dedicate yourself to such things, and you might instead dedicate yourself to letting this slippery book slip from your hands into a nearby trash receptacle, or deep pit.
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There is evil out there you cannot even imagine. -Captain Widdershins
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My stepfather said that the amount of treachery in this world is enormous, and that the best we could do was one small noble thing.
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This was that day if you know what I mean.
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Never mind what you were doing, Olaf said. You're fired!You can't fire me! Esme growled. I quit!Well, you can leave by mutual agreement, Olaf grumbled and then with another succinct Ha! he lifted the harpoon gun and pointed it at Dewey Denouement.
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In order to spare you any further repulsion, it would be best not to mention any of the unpleasant details of this story, particularly a secret message, a toboggan, a deceitful trap, a swarm of snow gnats, a scheming villain, a troupe of organized youngsters, a covered casserole dish, and a surprising survivor of a terrible fire.
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If you are looking for a story about cheerful youngsters spending a jolly time at boarding school, look elsewhere. Violet, Klaus, and Sunny Baudelaire are intelligent and resourceful children, and you might expect that they would do very well at school. Don't. For the Baudelaires, school turns out to be another miserable episode in their unlucky lives.
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Love can smack you like a seagull, and pour all over your feet like junkmail. You can't be ready for such a thing any more than salt water taffy gets you ready for the ocean.
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… the point is, why is there cruelty? Why do people ask other people to do impossible things? why behave this way? why is there mean, when there are better things than mean, love particularly?
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I will love you no matter how many mistakes I make when trying to reduce fractions, and no matter how difficult it is to memorize the periodic table.
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Violet said...'We've never known anyone who could remain so cheerful, no matter what terrible things occurred.
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Why do so many things end in fire?
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I find you interesting, Joe, so nearly everything you say will be interesting too. I love you. I could say I'm lonely but that's not the only reason.
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I didn't realize this was a sad occasion. - Waiter at The Anxious Clown Restaurant
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Just about everything in this world is easier said than done, with the exception of ‘systematically assisting Sisyphus’s stealthy, syst-susceptible sister,’ which is easier done than said. - Lemony Snicket
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Fate is like a strange, unpopular restaurant filled with odd waiters who bring you things you never asked for and don't always like.
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I think books that are meant to be read in the nighttime ought to confront the very fears that we're trying to think about.
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The rain, the rain, the rain. You can't even hear it outside the window but still it's a sad thing. Rain, the grade school teachers say, makes the trees and flowers grow, but we're not trees and flower, and so many grade school teachers are single.
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Lemony Snicket
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People aren't either wicked or noble,' the hook-handed man said. They're like chef's salad, with good things and bad things chopped and mixed together in a vinaigrette of confusion and conflict.
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The moral of 'The Three Bears,' for instance, is 'Never break into someone else's house.' The moral of 'Snow White' is 'Never eat apples.' The moral of World War One is 'Never assassinate Archduke Ferdinand'. -Lemony Snicket