Daniel Handler Quotes
-
A newspaper, as I'm sure you know, is a collection of supposedly true stories written down by writers who either saw them happen or talked to people who did. These writers are called journalists, and like telephone operators, butchers, ballerinas, and people who clean up after horses, journalists can sometimes make mistakes. - Lemony Snicket
-
'Yeah, I have a question,' said the guy with the wicked eyes... 'My question is, I quit. I'm going to quit.'
-
This was that day if you know what I mean.
-
she gave me a puzzled frown like she thought offhand i was dead but the media's so unreliable these days.
-
Unfortunately, I have dedicated my life to researching and recording the sad tale of the Baudelaire Orphans. There is no reason for you to dedicate yourself to such things, and you might instead dedicate yourself to letting this slippery book slip from your hands into a nearby trash receptacle, or deep pit.
-
My stepfather said that the amount of treachery in this world is enormous, and that the best we could do was one small noble thing.
-
… the point is, why is there cruelty? Why do people ask other people to do impossible things? why behave this way? why is there mean, when there are better things than mean, love particularly?
-
If you are looking for a story about cheerful youngsters spending a jolly time at boarding school, look elsewhere. Violet, Klaus, and Sunny Baudelaire are intelligent and resourceful children, and you might expect that they would do very well at school. Don't. For the Baudelaires, school turns out to be another miserable episode in their unlucky lives.
-
There is evil out there you cannot even imagine. -Captain Widdershins
-
Never mind what you were doing, Olaf said. You're fired!You can't fire me! Esme growled. I quit!Well, you can leave by mutual agreement, Olaf grumbled and then with another succinct Ha! he lifted the harpoon gun and pointed it at Dewey Denouement.
-
In order to spare you any further repulsion, it would be best not to mention any of the unpleasant details of this story, particularly a secret message, a toboggan, a deceitful trap, a swarm of snow gnats, a scheming villain, a troupe of organized youngsters, a covered casserole dish, and a surprising survivor of a terrible fire.
-
I will love you no matter how many mistakes I make when trying to reduce fractions, and no matter how difficult it is to memorize the periodic table.
-
Love can smack you like a seagull, and pour all over your feet like junkmail. You can't be ready for such a thing any more than salt water taffy gets you ready for the ocean.
-
Violet said...'We've never known anyone who could remain so cheerful, no matter what terrible things occurred.
-
People aren't either wicked or noble,' the hook-handed man said. They're like chef's salad, with good things and bad things chopped and mixed together in a vinaigrette of confusion and conflict.
-
I find you interesting, Joe, so nearly everything you say will be interesting too. I love you. I could say I'm lonely but that's not the only reason.
-
Why do so many things end in fire?
-
Fate is like a strange, unpopular restaurant filled with odd waiters who bring you things you never asked for and don't always like.
-
I didn't realize this was a sad occasion. - Waiter at The Anxious Clown Restaurant
-
Just about everything in this world is easier said than done, with the exception of ‘systematically assisting Sisyphus’s stealthy, syst-susceptible sister,’ which is easier done than said. - Lemony Snicket
-
I think books that are meant to be read in the nighttime ought to confront the very fears that we're trying to think about.
-
Lemony Snicket
-
The rain, the rain, the rain. You can't even hear it outside the window but still it's a sad thing. Rain, the grade school teachers say, makes the trees and flowers grow, but we're not trees and flower, and so many grade school teachers are single.
-
What a bad day it was, the clouds were low and cloudy, the rain no fun, and the dark as it hit the late afternoon thick like someone who stops by your place and just won't leave. The day was canceled, almost, on account of the rain spilling itself over everything.