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There isn’t time-so brief is life-for bickerings, apologies, heartburnings, callings to account. There is only time for loving-and but an instant, so to speak, for that.
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Life would be infinitely happier if we could only be born at the age of eighty and gradually approach eighteen.
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It is better to keep your mouth closed and let people think you are a fool than to open it and remove all doubt.
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The most interesting information comes from children, for they tell all they know and then stop.
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Patriotism is supporting your country all the time, and your government when it deserves it.
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I don't give a damn for a man that can only spell a word one way.
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Be careful about reading health books. You may die of a misprint.
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Often, the surest way to convey misinformation is to tell the strict truth.
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Name the greatest of all inventors. Accident.
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Repartee is something we think of twenty-four hours too late.
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None but the dead have free speech.
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Giving up smoking is the easiest thing in the world. I know because I've done it thousands of times.
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The lack of money is the root of all evil.
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Let us endeavor so to live so that when we come to die even the undertaker will be sorry.
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The best way to cheer yourself up is to try to cheer somebody else up.
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Soap and education are not as sudden as a massacre, but they are more deadly in the long run.
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The funniest things are the forbidden.
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But who prays for Satan? Who, in eighteen centuries, has had the common humanity to pray for the one sinner that needed it most?
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Anger is an acid that can do more harm to the vessel in which it is stored than to anything on which it is poured.
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Honesty is the best policy - when there is money in it.
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If it's your job to eat a frog, it's best to do it first thing in the morning. And If it's your job to eat two frogs, it's best to eat the biggest one first.
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Thunder is good, thunder is impressive; but it is lightning that does the work.
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Never put off till tomorrow what you can do the day after tomorrow.
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A man cannot be comfortable without his own approval.