Mark Twain Quotes
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...when the human race is not grotesque it is because it is asleep and losing its opportunity.
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Persons who think there is no such thing as luck-good or bad-are entitled to their opinion, although I think they ought to be shot for it.
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Grief can take care if itself, but to get the full value of a joy you must have somebody to divide it with.
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Mr. Roosevelt is the most formidable disaster that has befallen the country since the Civil War-but the vast mass of the nation loves him, is frantically fond of him, even idolizes him. This is the simple truth. It sounds like a libel upon the intelligence of the human race, but it isn't; there isn't any way to libel the intelligence of the human race.
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What, sir, would the people of the earth be without woman? They would be scarce, sir, almighty scarce.
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I am an old man and have known a great many troubles, but most of them never happened.
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I had now-not for the first time, nor the thousandth-trampled upon an old and wise and stern maxim of mine, to wit: 'Supposing is good, but finding out is better.'
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Don't part with your illusions. When they are gone, you may still exist, but you have ceased to live.
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A baby is an inestimable blessing and bother.
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He says every man is a moon and has a side which he turns toward nobody: you have to slip around behind if you want to see it.
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A man who carries a cat by the tail learns something he can learn in no other way.
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...from the beginning of my sojourn in this world there was a persistent vacancy in me where the industry ought to be. (Ought to was is better, perhaps, though the most of the authorities differ as to this.)
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I started out alone to seek adventures. You don't really have to seek them-that is nothing but a phrase-they come to you.
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I wish Europe would let Russia annihilate Turkey a little-not much, but enough to make it difficult to find the place again without a divining-rod or a diving-bell.
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It ain't those parts of the Bible that I can't understand that bother me, it is the parts that I do understand.
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In 'Huckleberry Finn,' I have drawn Tom Blankenship exactly as he was. He was ignorant, unwashed, insufficiently fed; but he had as good a heart as ever any boy had.
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Let us make a special effort to stop communicating with each other, so we can have some conversation.
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An experienced, industrious, ambitious, and often quite picturesque liar.
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...my sister...was an interested and zealous invalid during sixty-five years, tried all the new diseases as fast as they came out, and always enjoyed the newest one more than any that went before; my brother had accumulated forty-two brands of Christianity before he was called away.
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Golf is a good walk spoiled.
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A crowded police docket is the surest of all signs that trade is brisk and money plenty.
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...in October 1866 I broke out as a lecturer, and from that day to this I have always been able to gain my living without doing any work; for the writing of books and magazine matter was always play, not work. I enjoyed it; it was merely billiards to me.
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Don't go around saying the world owes you a living. The world owes you nothing. It was here first.
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Virtue never has been as respectable as money.