Mark Twain Quotes
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H'aint we got all the fools in town on our side? And ain't that a big enough majority in any town?
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What, sir, would the people of the earth be without woman? They would be scarce, sir, almighty scarce.
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...when the human race is not grotesque it is because it is asleep and losing its opportunity.
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Grief can take care if itself, but to get the full value of a joy you must have somebody to divide it with.
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I am an old man and have known a great many troubles, but most of them never happened.
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Mr. Roosevelt is the most formidable disaster that has befallen the country since the Civil War-but the vast mass of the nation loves him, is frantically fond of him, even idolizes him. This is the simple truth. It sounds like a libel upon the intelligence of the human race, but it isn't; there isn't any way to libel the intelligence of the human race.
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If the world comes to an end, I want to be in Cincinnati. Everything comes there ten years later.
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He says every man is a moon and has a side which he turns toward nobody: you have to slip around behind if you want to see it.
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Persons who think there is no such thing as luck-good or bad-are entitled to their opinion, although I think they ought to be shot for it.
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I had now-not for the first time, nor the thousandth-trampled upon an old and wise and stern maxim of mine, to wit: 'Supposing is good, but finding out is better.'
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I started out alone to seek adventures. You don't really have to seek them-that is nothing but a phrase-they come to you.
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...from the beginning of my sojourn in this world there was a persistent vacancy in me where the industry ought to be. (Ought to was is better, perhaps, though the most of the authorities differ as to this.)
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It ain't those parts of the Bible that I can't understand that bother me, it is the parts that I do understand.
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Jim was most ruined for a servant, because he got stuck up on account of having seen the devil and been rode by witches.
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A man who carries a cat by the tail learns something he can learn in no other way.
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Whose property is my body? Probably mine. I so regard it. If I experiment with it, who must be answerable? I, not the State. If I choose injudiciously, does the State die? Oh no.
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In 'Huckleberry Finn,' I have drawn Tom Blankenship exactly as he was. He was ignorant, unwashed, insufficiently fed; but he had as good a heart as ever any boy had.
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...now...that I am a wise person. As for me, I wish there were some more of us in the world, for I find it lonesome.
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I have no color prejudices nor caste prejudices nor creed prejudices. All I care to know is that a man is a human being, and that is enough for me; he can't be any worse.
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I wish Europe would let Russia annihilate Turkey a little-not much, but enough to make it difficult to find the place again without a divining-rod or a diving-bell.
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Probable nor'east to sou'west winds, varying to the soutard and westard and eastard and points between; high and low barometer, sweeping round from place to place; probable areas of rain, snow, hail, and drought, succeeded or preceded by earthquakes with thunder and lightning.
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The 'bus is English. When that is said, all is said. As a rule, any English thing is nineteen times as strong and twenty-three times as heavy as it needs to be. The 'bus fills these requirements.
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Virtue never has been as respectable as money.
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I have never taken any exercise, except sleeping and resting, and I never intend to take any.