Mark Twain Quotes
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Training is everything. The peach was once a bitter almond; cauliflower is nothing but cabbage with a college education.
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Everybody yelled at him, and laughed at him, and sassed him, and he sassed back, and said he'd attend to them and lay them out in their regular turns, but he couldn't wait now, because he'd come to town to kill old Colonel Sherburn, and his motto was, 'Meat first, and spoon vittles to top off on.'
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My books are like water; those of the great geniuses are wine. (Fortunately) everybody drinks water.
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In the Spring, I have counted 136 different kinds of weather inside of 24 hours.
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Travel is fatal to prejudice, bigotry, and narrow-mindedness, and many of our people need it sorely on these accounts. Broad, wholesome, charitable views of men and things cannot be acquired by vegetating in one little corner of the earth all one's lifetime.
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That is a simple rule, and easy to remember. When I, a thoughtful and unblessed Presbyterian, examine the Koran, I know that beyond any question every Mohammedan is insane; not in all things, but in religious matters. When a thoughtful and unblessed Mohammedan examines the Westminster Catechism, he knows that beyond any question I am spiritually insane.
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Ages of restriction to the one tool which the law was not able to take from him-his brain-have made that tool singularly competent...
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Often it does seem such a pity that Noah and his party did not miss the boat.
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Death, the only immortal who treats us all alike, whose pity and whose peace and whose refuge are for all - the soiled and the pure, the rich and the poor, the loved and the unloved.
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What, sir, would the people of the earth be without woman? They would be scarce, sir, almighty scarce.
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A powerful agent is the right word. Whenever we come upon one of those intensely right words in a book or a newspaper the resulting effect is physical as well as spiritual, and electrically prompt.
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I haven't a particle of confidence in a man who has no redeeming petty vices whatsoever.
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...a professor in one of the great female colleges. That odious form is common, and I submit and use it, though it offends me as much as it would to say female brickbat or female snow-storm or female geography.
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Whenever the literary German dives into a sentence, that is the last you are going to see of him till he emerges on the other side of his Atlantic with his verb in his mouth.
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Man is a Religious Animal. He is the only Religious Animal. He is the only animal that has the True Religion - several of them. He is the only animal that loves his neighbor as himself and cuts his throat if his theology isn't straight.
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A baby is an inestimable blessing and bother.
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The trade of critic, in literature, music, and the drama, is the most degraded of all trades.
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There are those who imagine that the unlucky accidents of life-life's 'experiences'-are in some way useful to us. I wish I could find out how. I never know one of them to happen twice. They always change off and swap around and catch you on your inexperienced side.
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Good friends, good books and a sleepy conscience: this is the ideal life.
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A Jewish beggar is not impossible, perhaps; such a thing may exist, but there are few men that can say they have seen that spectacle.
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Against the assault of laughter, nothing can stand.
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I am persuaded that in Russia, Austria, and Germany nine-tenths of the hostility to the Jew comes from the average Christian's inability to compete successfully with the average Jew in business-in either straight business or the questionable sort.
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Whenever the human race assembles to a number exceeding four, it cannot stand free speech.
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Denial ain't just a river in Egypt.