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Jesus died to save men - a small thing for an immortal to do, & didn't save many, anyway; but if he had been damned for the race that would have been act of a size proper to a god, & would have saved the whole race. However, why should anybody want to save the human race, or damn it either? Does God want its society? Does Satan?
Mark Twain -
Training is everything. The peach was once a bitter almond; cauliflower is nothing but cabbage with a college education.
Mark Twain
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Whenever the human race assembles to a number exceeding four, it cannot stand free speech.
Mark Twain -
Better a broken promise than none at all.
Mark Twain -
I sent down a circular check to the office to be cashed-a check good for its face in any part of the world, as any ordinary ass would know-but the ass who was assifying for the Queen Anne Mansions on salary didn't know it; indeed I think that his assitude transcended any assfulness I have ever met in this world or elsewhere.
Mark Twain -
What a wee little part of a person's life are his acts and his words! His real life is led in his head, and is known to none but himself.
Mark Twain -
How easy it is to make people believe a lie, and how hard it is to undo that work again!
Mark Twain -
Travel is fatal to prejudice, bigotry, and narrow-mindedness, and many of our people need it sorely on these accounts. Broad, wholesome, charitable views of men and things cannot be acquired by vegetating in one little corner of the earth all one's lifetime.
Mark Twain
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Try as you may, you don't get down as you would from a horse, you get down as you would from a house afire. You make a spectacle of yourself every time.
Mark Twain -
There is no God, no universe, no human race, no earthly life, no heaven, no hell. It is all a Dream, a grotesque and foolish dream. Nothing exists but you. And You are but a Thought - a vagrant Thought, a useless Thought, a homeless Thought, wandering forlorn among the empty eternities.
Mark Twain -
I was sorry to have my name mentioned as one of the great authors, because they have a sad habit of dying off. Chaucer is dead, Spencer is dead, so is Milton, so is Shakespeare, and Iām not feeling so well myself.
Mark Twain -
Age is an issue of mind over matter. If you don't mind, it doesn't matter.
Mark Twain -
Good friends, good books and a sleepy conscience: this is the ideal life.
Mark Twain -
I like the truth sometimes, but I don't care enough for it to hanker after it. And besides, I have lived with liars so long that I have lost the tune, & a fact jars upon me like a discord.
Mark Twain
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Tomorrow night I appear for the first time before a Boston audience - 4000 critics.
Mark Twain -
H'aint we got all the fools in town on our side? And ain't that a big enough majority in any town?
Mark Twain -
God made the Idiot for practice, and then He made the School Board.
Mark Twain -
That is a simple rule, and easy to remember. When I, a thoughtful and unblessed Presbyterian, examine the Koran, I know that beyond any question every Mohammedan is insane; not in all things, but in religious matters. When a thoughtful and unblessed Mohammedan examines the Westminster Catechism, he knows that beyond any question I am spiritually insane.
Mark Twain -
Ages of restriction to the one tool which the law was not able to take from him-his brain-have made that tool singularly competent...
Mark Twain -
He is a stranger to me, but he is a most remarkable man - and I am the other one. Between us, we cover all knowledge; he knows all that can be known, and I know the rest.
Mark Twain
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Humor must not professedly teach and it must not professedly preach, but it must do both if it would live forever.
Mark Twain -
The very ink with which history is written is merely fluid prejudice.
Mark Twain -
There are those who imagine that the unlucky accidents of life-life's 'experiences'-are in some way useful to us. I wish I could find out how. I never know one of them to happen twice. They always change off and swap around and catch you on your inexperienced side.
Mark Twain -
Denial ain't just a river in Egypt.
Mark Twain