Mark Twain Quotes
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It is my hope sir, that the ass who invented the 'age of consent'-any age of consent between cradle and grave-is with his progenitors in hell, and that the legislatures that are keeping the resulting law in force will follow him soon.
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The finest clothing made is a person's own skin, but, of course, society demands something more than this.
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Sometimes too much to drink is barely enough.
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Work is a necessary evil to be avoided.
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It is more trouble to make a maxim than it is to do right.
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James Ross Clemens, a cousin of mine, was seriously ill two or three weeks ago in London, but is well now. The report of my illness grew out of his illness; the report of my death was an exaggeration.
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I was sorry to have my name mentioned as one of the great authors, because they have a sad habit of dying off. Chaucer is dead, Spencer is dead, so is Milton, so is Shakespeare, and I’m not feeling so well myself.
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Brooklyn praise is half slander.
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The minister gave out his text and droned along monotonously through an argument that was so prosy that many a head by and by began to nod - and yet it was an argument that dealt in limitless fire and brimstone and thinned the predestined elect down to a company so small as to be hardly worth the saving.
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Under certain circumstances, urgent circumstances, desperate circumstances, profanity provides a relief denied even to prayer.
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If you hold a cat by the tail you learn things you cannot learn any other way.
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I used to worship the mighty genius of Michael Angelo - that man who was great in poetry, painting, sculpture, architecture - great in every thing he undertook. But I do not want Michael Angelo for breakfast - for luncheon - for dinner - for tea - for supper - for between meals. I like a change, occasionally.
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Cauliflower is nothing but cabbage with a college education.
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Compliments make me vain: & when I am vain, I am insolent & overbearing. It is a pity, too, because I love compliments. I love them even when they are not so. My child, I can live on a good compliment two weeks with nothing else to eat.
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The main difference between a cat and a lie is that a cat only has nine lives.
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H'aint we got all the fools in town on our side? And ain't that a big enough majority in any town?
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'We consciously or unconsciously pay more attention to tuning our opinions to our neighbor’s pitch and preserving his approval than we do to examining the opinions searchingly and seeing to it that they are right and sound.
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Apparently there is nothing that cannot happen today.
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Prophesy is a good line of business, but it is full of risks.
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We said there warn't no home like a raft, after all. Other places do seem so cramped up and smothery, but a raft don't. You feel mighty free and easy and comfortable on a raft.
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The bicycle had what is called the 'wabbles', and had them very badly. In order to keep my position, a good many things were required of me, and in every instance the thing required was against nature. Against nature, but not against the laws of nature.
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A person with a new idea is a crank until the idea succeeds.
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It usually takes me more than three weeks to prepare a good impromptu speech.
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Weather is a literary specialty, and no untrained hand can turn out a good article on it.