Mark Twain Quotes
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Virtue never has been as respectable as money.
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You cannot lay bare your private soul and look at it. You are too much ashamed of yourself. It is too disgusting. For that reason I confine myself to drawing the portraits of others.
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'In the beginning of a change, the patriot is a scarce man, and brave, and hated and scorned. When his cause succeeds, the timid join him, for then it costs nothing to be a patriot'
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William Dean Howells applauded, and was full of praises and endorsement, which was wise in him and judicious. If he had manifested a different spirit I would have thrown him out of the window. I like criticism, but it must be my way.
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To promise not to do a thing is the surest way in the world to make a body want to go and do that very thing.
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Only one thing is impossible for God: To find any sense in any copyright law on the planet.
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A person with a new idea is a crank until the idea succeeds.
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The finest clothing made is a person's own skin, but, of course, society demands something more than this.
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Good friends, good books and a sleepy conscience: this is the ideal life.
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Golf is a good walk spoiled.
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We said there warn't no home like a raft, after all. Other places do seem so cramped up and smothery, but a raft don't. You feel mighty free and easy and comfortable on a raft.
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Work is a necessary evil to be avoided.
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It is my hope sir, that the ass who invented the 'age of consent'-any age of consent between cradle and grave-is with his progenitors in hell, and that the legislatures that are keeping the resulting law in force will follow him soon.
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....it is not wise to keep the fire going under a slander unless you can get some large advantage out of keeping it alive. Few slanders can stand the wear of silence.
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The highest perfection of politeness is only a beautiful edifice, built, from the base to the dome, of ungraceful and gilded forms of charitable and unselfish lying.
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It is more trouble to make a maxim than it is to do right.
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Compliments make me vain: & when I am vain, I am insolent & overbearing. It is a pity, too, because I love compliments. I love them even when they are not so. My child, I can live on a good compliment two weeks with nothing else to eat.
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George Washington, as a boy, was ignorant of the commonest accomplishments of youth. He could not even lie.
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Many a small thing has been made large by the right kind of advertising.
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...a professor in one of the great female colleges. That odious form is common, and I submit and use it, though it offends me as much as it would to say female brickbat or female snow-storm or female geography.
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H'aint we got all the fools in town on our side? And ain't that a big enough majority in any town?
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Man is a Religious Animal. He is the only Religious Animal. He is the only animal that has the True Religion - several of them. He is the only animal that loves his neighbor as himself and cuts his throat if his theology isn't straight.
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I am always reading immoral books on the sly, and then selfishly trying to prevent other people from having the same wicked good time.
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Get a bicycle. You will not regret it, if you live.