Mark Twain Quotes
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Loyalty to petrified opinion never yet broke a chain or freed a human soul.
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How lucky Adam was. He knew when he said a good thing, nobody had said it before.
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Citing a familiar 'American joke': In Boston they ask, How much does he know? In New York, How much is he worth? In Philadelphia, Who were his parents?
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Humor must not professedly teach and it must not professedly preach, but it must do both if it would live forever.
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When angry, count to four; when very angry, swear.
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I was gratified to be able to answer promptly, and I did. I said I didn't know.
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Sometimes too much to drink is barely enough.
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Every one is a moon, and has a dark side which he never shows to anybody.
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I think the President is clearly insane in several ways, and insanest upon war and its supreme glories. I think he longs for a big war wherein he can spectacularly perform as chief general and chief admiral, and go down in history as the only monarch of modern times that has served both offices at the same time.
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Prophesy is a good line of business, but it is full of risks.
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Humor is the great thing, the saving thing. The minute it crops up, all our hardnesses yield, all our irritations and resentments flit away and a sunny spirit takes their place.
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Appendix D, The Awful German Language
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Nearly all black and brown skins are beautiful, but a beautiful white skin is rare.
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There isn't anything so grotesque or so incredible that the average human being can't believe it.
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Thousands of geniuses live and die undiscovered - either by themselves or by others.
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She was not quite what you would call refined. She was not quite what you would call unrefined. She was the kind of person that keeps a parrot.
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In the first place, God made idiots. That was for practice. Then he made school boards.
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How easy it is to make people believe a lie, and how hard it is to undo that work again!
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The late Bill Nye once said 'I have been told that Wagner's music is better than it sounds.'
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Virtue never has been as respectable as money.
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'In the beginning of a change, the patriot is a scarce man, and brave, and hated and scorned. When his cause succeeds, the timid join him, for then it costs nothing to be a patriot'
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Everybody yelled at him, and laughed at him, and sassed him, and he sassed back, and said he'd attend to them and lay them out in their regular turns, but he couldn't wait now, because he'd come to town to kill old Colonel Sherburn, and his motto was, 'Meat first, and spoon vittles to top off on.'
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Few things are harder to put up with than the annoyance of a good example.
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'Classic.' A book which people praise and don't read.