Mark Twain Quotes
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He George Washington Cable has taught me to abhor and detest the Sabbath day and hunt up new and troublesome ways to dishonor it.
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There has never been a Protestant boy nor a Protestant girl whose mind the Bible has not soiled.
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Get a bicycle. You will not regret it, if you live.
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Enough, enough, enough! Say no more! Lump the whole thing! say that the Creator made Italy from designs by Michael Angelo!
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Citing a familiar 'American joke': In Boston they ask, How much does he know? In New York, How much is he worth? In Philadelphia, Who were his parents?
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We haven't all had the good fortune to be ladies; we haven't all been generals, or poets, or statesmen; but when the toast works down to the babies, we stand on common ground.
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George Washington, as a boy, was ignorant of the commonest accomplishments of youth. He could not even lie.
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Loyalty to petrified opinion never yet broke a chain or freed a human soul.
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Barring that natural expression of villainy which we all have, the man looked honest enough.
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Words are only painted fire; a look is the fire itself.
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Many a small thing has been made large by the right kind of advertising.
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Appendix D, The Awful German Language
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You cannot lay bare your private soul and look at it. You are too much ashamed of yourself. It is too disgusting. For that reason I confine myself to drawing the portraits of others.
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Work is a necessary evil to be avoided.
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Never pick a fight with people who buy ink by the barrel.
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Sometimes too much to drink is barely enough.
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I am always reading immoral books on the sly, and then selfishly trying to prevent other people from having the same wicked good time.
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The finest clothing made is a person's own skin, but, of course, society demands something more than this.
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Only one thing is impossible for God: To find any sense in any copyright law on the planet.
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No doubt the great majority of them are in the cemetery long ago, and I suppose the rest of us will join them before long. Speaking for myself I am willing; in fact I believe I have been willing ever since I was eighteen years old; not urgent, but willing, merely willing.
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Always acknowledge a fault frankly. This will throw those in authority off their guard and give you opportunity to commit more.
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William Dean Howells applauded, and was full of praises and endorsement, which was wise in him and judicious. If he had manifested a different spirit I would have thrown him out of the window. I like criticism, but it must be my way.
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I think the President is clearly insane in several ways, and insanest upon war and its supreme glories. I think he longs for a big war wherein he can spectacularly perform as chief general and chief admiral, and go down in history as the only monarch of modern times that has served both offices at the same time.
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Brooklyn praise is half slander.