Mark Twain Quotes
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'Classic.' A book which people praise and don't read.
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Few things are harder to put up with than the annoyance of a good example.
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Get a bicycle. You will not regret it, if you live.
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It is by the goodness of God that in our country we have those three unspeakably precious things: freedom of speech, freedom of conscience, and the prudence never to practice either of them.
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Always acknowledge a fault frankly. This will throw those in authority off their guard and give you opportunity to commit more.
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....it is not wise to keep the fire going under a slander unless you can get some large advantage out of keeping it alive. Few slanders can stand the wear of silence.
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In the first place, God made idiots. That was for practice. Then he made school boards.
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George Washington, as a boy, was ignorant of the commonest accomplishments of youth. He could not even lie.
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Good breeding consists in concealing how much we think of ourselves and how little we think of the other person.
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Words are only painted fire; a look is the fire itself.
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Only one thing is impossible for God: To find any sense in any copyright law on the planet.
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The highest perfection of politeness is only a beautiful edifice, built, from the base to the dome, of ungraceful and gilded forms of charitable and unselfish lying.
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Never pick a fight with people who buy ink by the barrel.
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The first thing I ever noticed about Miss Lyon was her incredible laziness. Laziness was my own specialty, & I did not like this competition. Dear me, I was to find out, in the course of time, that in the matter of laziness I was a runaway train on a down grade & she a-standing still. At my very laziest I could hear myself whiz, when she was around.
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Citing a familiar 'American joke': In Boston they ask, How much does he know? In New York, How much is he worth? In Philadelphia, Who were his parents?
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Appendix D, The Awful German Language
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I am always reading immoral books on the sly, and then selfishly trying to prevent other people from having the same wicked good time.
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I think the President is clearly insane in several ways, and insanest upon war and its supreme glories. I think he longs for a big war wherein he can spectacularly perform as chief general and chief admiral, and go down in history as the only monarch of modern times that has served both offices at the same time.
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We haven't all had the good fortune to be ladies; we haven't all been generals, or poets, or statesmen; but when the toast works down to the babies, we stand on common ground.
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William Dean Howells applauded, and was full of praises and endorsement, which was wise in him and judicious. If he had manifested a different spirit I would have thrown him out of the window. I like criticism, but it must be my way.
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Many a small thing has been made large by the right kind of advertising.
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I was gratified to be able to answer promptly, and I did. I said I didn't know.
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Sometimes too much to drink is barely enough.
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It is my hope sir, that the ass who invented the 'age of consent'-any age of consent between cradle and grave-is with his progenitors in hell, and that the legislatures that are keeping the resulting law in force will follow him soon.