Mark Twain Quotes
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Enough, enough, enough! Say no more! Lump the whole thing! say that the Creator made Italy from designs by Michael Angelo!
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'Classic.' A book which people praise and don't read.
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To promise not to do a thing is the surest way in the world to make a body want to go and do that very thing.
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Few things are harder to put up with than the annoyance of a good example.
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In the first place, God made idiots. That was for practice. Then he made school boards.
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When a person cannot deceive himself the chances are against his being able to deceive other people.
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Get a bicycle. You will not regret it, if you live.
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....it is not wise to keep the fire going under a slander unless you can get some large advantage out of keeping it alive. Few slanders can stand the wear of silence.
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Only one thing is impossible for God: To find any sense in any copyright law on the planet.
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George Washington, as a boy, was ignorant of the commonest accomplishments of youth. He could not even lie.
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Appendix D, The Awful German Language
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The first thing I ever noticed about Miss Lyon was her incredible laziness. Laziness was my own specialty, & I did not like this competition. Dear me, I was to find out, in the course of time, that in the matter of laziness I was a runaway train on a down grade & she a-standing still. At my very laziest I could hear myself whiz, when she was around.
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I think the President is clearly insane in several ways, and insanest upon war and its supreme glories. I think he longs for a big war wherein he can spectacularly perform as chief general and chief admiral, and go down in history as the only monarch of modern times that has served both offices at the same time.
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We haven't all had the good fortune to be ladies; we haven't all been generals, or poets, or statesmen; but when the toast works down to the babies, we stand on common ground.
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Citing a familiar 'American joke': In Boston they ask, How much does he know? In New York, How much is he worth? In Philadelphia, Who were his parents?
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Never pick a fight with people who buy ink by the barrel.
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Under certain circumstances, urgent circumstances, desperate circumstances, profanity provides a relief denied even to prayer.
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Words are only painted fire; a look is the fire itself.
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I used to worship the mighty genius of Michael Angelo - that man who was great in poetry, painting, sculpture, architecture - great in every thing he undertook. But I do not want Michael Angelo for breakfast - for luncheon - for dinner - for tea - for supper - for between meals. I like a change, occasionally.
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The highest perfection of politeness is only a beautiful edifice, built, from the base to the dome, of ungraceful and gilded forms of charitable and unselfish lying.
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I was gratified to be able to answer promptly, and I did. I said I didn't know.
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It is my hope sir, that the ass who invented the 'age of consent'-any age of consent between cradle and grave-is with his progenitors in hell, and that the legislatures that are keeping the resulting law in force will follow him soon.
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I am always reading immoral books on the sly, and then selfishly trying to prevent other people from having the same wicked good time.
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Many a small thing has been made large by the right kind of advertising.