Mark Twain Quotes
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The main difference between a cat and a lie is that a cat only has nine lives.
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What a wee little part of a person's life are his acts and his words! His real life is led in his head, and is known to none but himself.
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Never pick a fight with people who buy ink by the barrel.
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Let us make a special effort to stop communicating with each other, so we can have some conversation.
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Enough, enough, enough! Say no more! Lump the whole thing! say that the Creator made Italy from designs by Michael Angelo!
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Whose property is my body? Probably mine. I so regard it. If I experiment with it, who must be answerable? I, not the State. If I choose injudiciously, does the State die? Oh no.
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James Ross Clemens, a cousin of mine, was seriously ill two or three weeks ago in London, but is well now. The report of my illness grew out of his illness; the report of my death was an exaggeration.
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The Erie railroad kills 23 to 46; the other 845 railroads kill an average of one-third of a man each; and the rest of that million, amounting in the aggregate to that appalling figure of 987,631 corpses, die naturally in their beds! You will excuse me from taking any more chances on those beds. The railroads are good enough for me.
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Words are only painted fire; a look is the fire itself.
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He says every man is a moon and has a side which he turns toward nobody: you have to slip around behind if you want to see it.
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Apparently there is nothing that cannot happen today.
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If you hold a cat by the tail you learn things you cannot learn any other way.
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We Americans... bear the ark of liberties of the world.
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Death, the only immortal who treats us all alike, whose pity and whose peace and whose refuge are for all - the soiled and the pure, the rich and the poor, the loved and the unloved.
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'We consciously or unconsciously pay more attention to tuning our opinions to our neighbor’s pitch and preserving his approval than we do to examining the opinions searchingly and seeing to it that they are right and sound.
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The minister gave out his text and droned along monotonously through an argument that was so prosy that many a head by and by began to nod - and yet it was an argument that dealt in limitless fire and brimstone and thinned the predestined elect down to a company so small as to be hardly worth the saving.
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Nature knows no indecencies; man invents them.
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Whenever the literary German dives into a sentence, that is the last you are going to see of him till he emerges on the other side of his Atlantic with his verb in his mouth.
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It usually takes me more than three weeks to prepare a good impromptu speech.
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This poor little one-horse town.
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I make it a rule never to smoke while I'm sleeping.
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...from the beginning of my sojourn in this world there was a persistent vacancy in me where the industry ought to be. (Ought to was is better, perhaps, though the most of the authorities differ as to this.)
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Jim was most ruined for a servant, because he got stuck up on account of having seen the devil and been rode by witches.
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I never smoke to excess - that is, I smoke in moderation, only one cigar at a time.