Martha Beck Quotes
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Allowing children to show their guilt, show their grief, show their anger, takes the sting out of the situation.
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Anger elicits anger, fear elicits fear, no matter how well meaning we may be.
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If we're stuck with having expectations, there's a very good reason to embrace positive ones: It's that we often create what we anticipate.
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My dog has the intellectual capacity of a lime wedge, yet even he possesses an elaborate set of assumptions, based on his ability to control my behavior through a combination of slavish devotion and incessant howling.
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I fell in love with Africa and began helping people fix things there.
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Although beauty may be in the eye of the beholder, the feeling of being beautiful exists solely in the mind of the beheld.
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If you're feeling intransigently ambivalent, it might pay to formally accept what's already happening - that is, decide not to decide.
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Most of my clients don't realize that the way they look and the way they think about their looks are two separate issues.
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One reason most people never stop thinking is that mental frenzy keeps us from having to see the upsetting aspects of our lives. If I'm constantly brooding about my children or career, I won't notice that I'm lonely. If I grapple continuously with logistical problems, I can avoid contemplating little issues like, say, my own mortality.
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In the developed world, hundreds of millions of us now face the bizarre problem of surfeit. Yet our brains, instincts, and socialized behavior are still geared to an environment of lack. The result? Overwhelm - on an unprecedented scale.
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Creating ways to be happy is your life's work, a challenge that won't end until you die.
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Our thoughts about an event can have a dramatic effect on how we go through the event itself. When our expectations are low, it's easy to be pleasantly surprised. When they're not, we're vulnerable to painful disappointment. Because of this, many people spend a good deal of effort trying to avoid developing high hopes about anything.
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Use anything you can think of to understand and be understood, and you'll discover the creativity that connects you with others.
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What happens when we're willing to feel bad is that, sure enough, we often feel bad - but without the stress of futile avoidance. Emotional discomfort, when accepted, rises, crests, and falls in a series of waves. Each wave washes parts of us away and deposits treasures we never imagined.
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Expectation loiters in the DNA of every sentient being; when you tell yourself or a loved one, 'Don't get your hopes up,' you're fighting ancient genetic programming.
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When you meet people, show real appreciation, then genuine curiosity.
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Our culture has created two almost irreconcilable descriptions of a 'good woman.' The first is the individual achiever; the second, the self-sacrificing domestic goddess.
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Since our society equates happiness with youth, we often assume that sorrow, quiet desperation, and hopelessness go hand in hand with getting older. They don't. Emotional pain or numbness are symptoms of living the wrong life, not a long life.
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Much protective self-criticism stems from growing up around people who wouldn't or couldn't love you, and it's likely they still can't or won't. In general, however, the more you let go of the tedious delusion of your own unattractiveness, the easier it will be for others to connect with you, and the more accepted you'll feel.
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Something in the human psyche confuses beauty with the right to be loved. The briefest glance at human folly reveals that good looks and worthiness operate independently. Yet countless socializing forces, from Aunt Clara to the latest perfume ad, reinforce beliefs like 'If I were pretty enough, I would be loved.'
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If you want to end your isolation, you must be honest about what you want at a core level and decide to go after it.
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In fact, when care appears, unconditional love often vanishes.
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I had a client who was a professional baseball player once, and he would go to clubs and dance for seven, eight, nine hours at a time. He wouldn't drink, he wouldn't take drugs - he just danced because he had so much physical energy; he was this amazing athlete.
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Loneliness is proof that your innate search for connection is intact.