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I really do think that any deep crisis is an opportunity to make your life extraordinary in some way.
Martha Beck -
I fell in love with Africa and began helping people fix things there.
Martha Beck
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If we're stuck with having expectations, there's a very good reason to embrace positive ones: It's that we often create what we anticipate.
Martha Beck -
Anger elicits anger, fear elicits fear, no matter how well meaning we may be.
Martha Beck -
My dog has the intellectual capacity of a lime wedge, yet even he possesses an elaborate set of assumptions, based on his ability to control my behavior through a combination of slavish devotion and incessant howling.
Martha Beck -
Although beauty may be in the eye of the beholder, the feeling of being beautiful exists solely in the mind of the beheld.
Martha Beck -
If you're feeling intransigently ambivalent, it might pay to formally accept what's already happening - that is, decide not to decide.
Martha Beck -
In the developed world, hundreds of millions of us now face the bizarre problem of surfeit. Yet our brains, instincts, and socialized behavior are still geared to an environment of lack. The result? Overwhelm - on an unprecedented scale.
Martha Beck
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Most of my clients don't realize that the way they look and the way they think about their looks are two separate issues.
Martha Beck -
One reason most people never stop thinking is that mental frenzy keeps us from having to see the upsetting aspects of our lives. If I'm constantly brooding about my children or career, I won't notice that I'm lonely. If I grapple continuously with logistical problems, I can avoid contemplating little issues like, say, my own mortality.
Martha Beck -
Creating ways to be happy is your life's work, a challenge that won't end until you die.
Martha Beck -
If you want to end your isolation, you must be honest about what you want at a core level and decide to go after it.
Martha Beck -
When you meet people, show real appreciation, then genuine curiosity.
Martha Beck -
Our thoughts about an event can have a dramatic effect on how we go through the event itself. When our expectations are low, it's easy to be pleasantly surprised. When they're not, we're vulnerable to painful disappointment. Because of this, many people spend a good deal of effort trying to avoid developing high hopes about anything.
Martha Beck
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Since our society equates happiness with youth, we often assume that sorrow, quiet desperation, and hopelessness go hand in hand with getting older. They don't. Emotional pain or numbness are symptoms of living the wrong life, not a long life.
Martha Beck -
Expectation loiters in the DNA of every sentient being; when you tell yourself or a loved one, 'Don't get your hopes up,' you're fighting ancient genetic programming.
Martha Beck -
In fact, when care appears, unconditional love often vanishes.
Martha Beck -
I had a client who was a professional baseball player once, and he would go to clubs and dance for seven, eight, nine hours at a time. He wouldn't drink, he wouldn't take drugs - he just danced because he had so much physical energy; he was this amazing athlete.
Martha Beck -
Fact: From quitting smoking to skiing, we succeed to the degree we try, fail, and learn. Studies show that people who worry about mistakes shut down, but those who are relaxed about doing badly soon learn to do well. Success is built on failure.
Martha Beck -
Sometimes a psychic tells you something and it feels wrong and others may be right on the money. It's your choice about whom to trust, and giving that trust is something we do ourselves.
Martha Beck
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Focusing on one mildly disturbing, semi-controllable issue allows the mind to stuff much greater terrors in relatively tidy packages.
Martha Beck -
Everything I've ever taught in terms of self-help boils down to this - I cannot believe people keep paying me to say this - if something feels really good for you, you might want to do it. And if it feels really horrible, you might want to consider not doing it. Thank you, give me my $150.
Martha Beck -
It takes about four days of virtuous living to create a little weight loss. That also happens to be the time required to get used to eating less. In other words, if you can get past day three of a fitness regimen, things improve.
Martha Beck -
Much protective self-criticism stems from growing up around people who wouldn't or couldn't love you, and it's likely they still can't or won't. In general, however, the more you let go of the tedious delusion of your own unattractiveness, the easier it will be for others to connect with you, and the more accepted you'll feel.
Martha Beck