Denis Leary Quotes
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Ted Kennedy, a good senator but a bad date you know what I mean? 'What'd I forget? Goddamit the fuckin' girl! Jesus Christ where are my pants?'
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Where I grew up, the basketball courts were rarely used.
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The first movie I saw where it convinced me I could be an actor was 'Mean Streets,' so whenever I see Robert De Niro and he says, 'Hi, Denis,' it's still a really big deal.
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I'm not really a Spider-Man fan. I'm more of a Batman guy.
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I think daycare is great for people who have to work two jobs. My problem is with people who are dropping kids off at daycare because they want to go out and spend the day golfing or getting their nails done. You know what I mean? That's not why they invented daycare.
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I really like 'Batman.' Not the TV show, but the dark 'Batman.'
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There we were in the middle of a sexual revolution wearing clothes that guaranteed we wouldn't get laid.
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There's not going to be a 'Rescue Me' movie. Not a chance.
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One thing that's great about firefighters: If they don't have the equipment they desperately need, they don't have the help, they don't care. They'll do it on their own.
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What firefighters and people in our military and cops do is separate from what the rest of us do; basically these people say, 'I'm going to protect all these strangers.'
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Vacuuming is great. I do the laundry. I love washing machines. I'm the maid in my house.
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Most of the women placed in the fire department here in New York never passed the physical test. And a fat guy or a short guy, or anybody not passing the test in a life-or-death job, leads to friction.
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I wanted to be a hockey player. Where I grew up, the basketball courts were rarely used. I was terrible in school and actually said, 'I'm going to be a hockey player.'
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Most people don't know how underpaid and often ill-equipped urban fire departments are across North America.
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I remember 9/11; we had 'Comics Come Home' about a month after those events. That night, even the comedians were concerned. Would the audience be ready to laugh? It was a release for everyone.
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I wasn't the best student. I wasn't stupid, but I wasn't paying a lot of attention.
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I write what I think is funny and I write from a sense of popping a balloon or a sense of injustice, whether it's about yourself, or whether it's about something else. It's my worldview; it doesn't mean that everybody has to agree with it.
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Cranberry Ale! Cranberry NUT CRUNCH FUCKING ALE! Cranberries and beer do not go together! One's for bladder infections, one's for getting DRUNK!
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If you want a long-term relationship that doesn't require a lot of work, I say, get a dog. They love you no matter what. But when it comes to humans, there's no secret; you really have to appreciate the person every single day.
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George Carlin was great right up to the end of his life. But Richard Pryor was probably the best, most gifted stand-up comedian who will ever live.
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When I was doing standup, I always wanted to get out of the standup world and take it back into the theatrical world, like with 'No Cure For Cancer.'
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There are some guys I know for a fact, like Louis C.K., who always talk about how not-great of an actor he is, and he's terrific on his show. But I know Louis would play a fantastic dramatic role in something, too. He just needs somebody to grab him and say, 'Come in here and do this.'
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You can't teach somebody how to be funny. You're either funny, or you ain't.
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How many whales do we really need? I figure five. One for each ocean.