Denis Leary Quotes
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When I was a kid, Dunkin' Donuts had two things: coffee and donuts, and that was it! You took the donut, dunked it in the coffee, thus the fucking title of the place!
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Kids are incredibly expensive. But it pays off later when they are better educated, bigger, and better-looking than you. And find you incessantly boring and uncool.
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There are some guys I know for a fact, like Louis C.K., who always talk about how not-great of an actor he is, and he's terrific on his show. But I know Louis would play a fantastic dramatic role in something, too. He just needs somebody to grab him and say, 'Come in here and do this.'
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There's not going to be a 'Rescue Me' movie. Not a chance.
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(talking about The Lord Of The Dance) Have you seen that show? If you have, GET OUT! Get the hell out of my show right now!
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The best comedy audiences in the country and this is tried and true, I'm not just saying it, in my opinion are Boston, Atlanta, and Chicago.
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I've always had a thing for Catwoman. Michelle Pfeiffer or Halle Berry in tight leather pants, with the boots - I'm pretty good with either one.
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One thing that's great about firefighters: If they don't have the equipment they desperately need, they don't have the help, they don't care. They'll do it on their own.
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Where I grew up, the basketball courts were rarely used.
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I'm still pretty self-centered, greedy and angry.
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Vacuuming is great. I do the laundry. I love washing machines. I'm the maid in my house.
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I think it's a shame when you come across young actors and musicians who haven't had the time to learn their craft. It doesn't matter if it's acting or music; you really have to learn how to do it from the bottom up because unless you have a great work ethic... fame is a terrible thing to have.
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I went to school with Steven Wright, who was the shyest guy I knew, and one day someone suddenly told me that he was in a club doing standup comedy. I went down to his club and he was great. Another friend of mine, who was pretty much a thief by trade, was hosting the show. So I thought, 'If these guys can do it, then so can I.'
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I'm high as a kite and my teeth are green, merry fucking Christmas!
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If you want a long-term relationship that doesn't require a lot of work, I say, get a dog. They love you no matter what. But when it comes to humans, there's no secret; you really have to appreciate the person every single day.
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The first movie I saw where it convinced me I could be an actor was 'Mean Streets,' so whenever I see Robert De Niro and he says, 'Hi, Denis,' it's still a really big deal.
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I love to smoke. I smoke seven thousand packs a day!
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I'm not really a Spider-Man fan. I'm more of a Batman guy.
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I write what I think is funny and I write from a sense of popping a balloon or a sense of injustice, whether it's about yourself, or whether it's about something else. It's my worldview; it doesn't mean that everybody has to agree with it.
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I learned a long time ago, if you want to keep your friends in show business, don't get famous. Because as soon as you get famous, a lot of the people you used to know, who didn't, become incredibly bitter and jealous. It's part of the territory.
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Most people don't know how underpaid and often ill-equipped urban fire departments are across North America.
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I know gay - gay people who aren't married who are better parents than some, you know, straight people I know who are married.
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I'm really happy I went to a Catholic school because a lot of the repressive tactics they use make for great senses of humor.
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I'm the Lord of the Dance! Fuck Michael Flatley, it's me! ...Who has the balls to call themselves the lord of anything, huh? C'mon, last time somebody called themself lord on this planet, they got CRUCIFIED, Michael! And we know where the hammer and the nails are! We could put you up in a couple of minutes!