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I don't know how to do a show not in front of a live audience.
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No matter what hyenas sound like, they are not actually laughing.
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Laughter gives us distance. It allows us to step back from an event, deal with it and then move on.
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I made a record album in 1960 and it exploded, and I got all these offers for TV.
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There is an edginess in my work that people don't always recognize.
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For some reason, comedians are still children. The social skills somehow never reach us, so we say exactly what we think without weighing the results.
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There was a sea of change in comedy in the late 1950s and '60s. We were dealing with vignettes as opposed to jokes. We were more socially aware.
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When I started, I was doing all the good comedians I'd ever seen. Then I developed my own voice. My routines are my natural way of looking at the world.
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The highest of highs is to have a new routine that you're just breaking in and that's working, and that's - you're one step removed doing a situation comedy because you have a live audience there.
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You're not dead at 85. You're a long way from it. Go out and enjoy. You've earned it.
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Sometimes you forget you're famous. You wonder, 'Why is that person staring at me?'
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Humor's a weapon if you want to make it one.
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When I was off TV, people would ask me to please come back, which I think was their way of saying, 'There's nothing out there for us.'
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People have told me, 'My dad passed on, but I have great memories of watching your shows with him.' It doesn't get any better than that.
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Mark Twain gave us an insight into the life on the Mississippi at the turn of the century.
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You shouldn't get too close to the truth, because then maybe you stop being funny.
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I have an aversion to laugh tracks - the moment I hear a laugh track, I go to another channel.
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Jack Benny was, without a doubt, the bravest comedian I have ever seen work. He wasn't afraid of silence. He would take as long as it took to tell the story.
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The only thing I have never done is a Broadway play. I'm not sure I have the discipline necessary to do a Broadway play. I know it holds a fascination for certain actors.
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Don't be silly and don't waste your time.