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I don't know what people are going to think of my stand-up. If you only know me from 'The Price Is Right' and 'The Drew Carey Show,' then you might be a little bit shocked. I'm a little dirty and a little opinionated but all in fun.
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I learned how to believe in myself. Learned how to set goals, you know, self help books man. I just read every single one I can get a hold of, and I still do.
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There is no such thing as too much fun. People need to know it is O.K. to tell jokes and be happy.
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Vegas is everything that's right with America. You can do whatever you want, 24 hours a day. They've effectively legalized everything there.
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I am never out there just jogging for the heck of it. I never do that. I start to run with a goal in mind, whether it's a certain time or certain distance or a specific heart-rate goal, and then I am done.
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What good is democracy if you can't get what you want?
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Libertarians are conservatives who still get high.
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I always thought I was going to die before I was 60.
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I wish I could end every rap song I didn't like with a buzzer.
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But sports photography isn't something you just pick up overnight. You can't do it once a year for fun and expect to do a good job. And I take pride in what I do.
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Some people don't like competition because it makes them work harder, better.
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Living in Hollywood, you can get disconnected from everybody. You can feel like you are the only one.
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The difference between Las Vegas and Atlantic City is the difference between getting conned by a beautiful call girl and getting mugged by a crack head.
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Eating crappy food isn't a reward -- it's a punishment.
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I think a lot of people are afraid of freedom. They want their lives to be controlled, to be put into a box... Why should someone put a limit on how much fun I can have, how much I can accomplish?
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I'm the kind of person that likes what I'm doing when I'm doing it.
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Reality shows always look for the worst people.
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It should be up to each bar owner and patron to decide if they want to smoke or not.
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But I don't want to lose touch with things like eating in Bob's Big Boy.
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The economy is in trouble, schools are in trouble, and people have been leaving the city in droves for a long, long time.
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I just try to get people to laugh - I'm not trying to change the world or anything.
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I've always got stuff in my head in case I meet somebody like Steven Spielberg or someone like that, where I can hopefully say something to them that nobody else has ever said and get a laugh out of them.
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People laugh to forget their troubles, and to forget their troubles they like to look at people who aren't doing better than they are.
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Things don't make me nearly as happy as talking and having a beer with my friends. And that's something everyone can do.