Drew Carey Quotes
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I don't care if my jokes are appropriate for a kid.
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It doesn't matter how smart you are; to audition for 'Jeopardy,' you just have to luck out and know what they're asking you that day.
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I'm a big believer in overcoming and achieving and doing things and not feeling sorry for yourself.
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As far as exercising goes... watch for my next book, How I died while Jogging.
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I love the normalcy of Cleveland. There's regular people there.
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I'd buy joke books and try doing them at school; I always had jokes. That would be my go-to thing at parties: I'd be able to get through them if I just told enough jokes. Otherwise, I wouldn't end up talking to anybody.
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My cranky cardiologist says I'm destined to die in the kitchen.
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Trust me, kids - your homework can wait. Don't need to be doing homework while Whose Line is on; skip it!
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I don't miss the economic insecurity, the living paycheck to paycheck.
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I do get the comics online I guess but it's such a pain. I'd rather just get them in the paper and read them.
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The best thing about Las Vegas is that no one pretends to be responsible for your behavior like they do in the rest of the country. There's no meddling self-righteous liberals or right-wing Christian demagogues telling you that you can't do something fun with your own time and money. If you can afford it, it's yours.
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I have a position of indirect respect and oblique power.
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For 'Power of 10,' you can look at the methodology at CBS.com, it's a company called Rasmussen Reports. We poll thousands and thousands of people for each question, a real cross section of the United States.
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Just because a guy has a shaved head, pierced nipples, and doesn't have sex with women doesn't make him gay. It just makes him down on his luck.
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The first Monopoly game I played with my brothers, I hated losing so much, I just had to beat them.
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I learned how to believe in myself. Learned how to set goals, you know, self help books man. I just read every single one I can get a hold of, and I still do.
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I don't know what people are going to think of my stand-up. If you only know me from 'The Price Is Right' and 'The Drew Carey Show,' then you might be a little bit shocked. I'm a little dirty and a little opinionated but all in fun.
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At 'Price Is Right,' people feel so safe there and loved. And if you can't jump around on 'Price is Right,' then you can't jump around anywhere, you know?
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There is no such thing as too much fun. People need to know it is O.K. to tell jokes and be happy.
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I used to go to the library all the time when I was kid. As a teenager, I got a book on how to write jokes at the library, and that, in turn, launched my comedy career.
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I remember when I took a temp job... so I got a job at a department store. Something temporary to put on my resume, my parents said. Yeah... till I die!
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The only way I'd need a pain reliever to enjoy sex is if all of my fantasies came true at the same time.
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Vegas is everything that's right with America. You can do whatever you want, 24 hours a day. They've effectively legalized everything there.
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If frogs could fly... well we'd still be in this mess, but wouldn't it be neat?