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I have a position of indirect respect and oblique power.
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Who ever thought that the world-famous Captain Obvious was really mild-mannered Colin Mochrie?
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For 'Power of 10,' you can look at the methodology at CBS.com, it's a company called Rasmussen Reports. We poll thousands and thousands of people for each question, a real cross section of the United States.
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At 'Price Is Right,' people feel so safe there and loved. And if you can't jump around on 'Price is Right,' then you can't jump around anywhere, you know?
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There is no such thing as too much fun. People need to know it is O.K. to tell jokes and be happy.
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The only way I'd need a pain reliever to enjoy sex is if all of my fantasies came true at the same time.
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What good is democracy if you can't get what you want?
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I love the normalcy of Cleveland. There's regular people there.
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I work with a place in Santa Monica called Phase IV. My doctor recommended them to me when I started losing weight. They help people train for things like triathlons or biking and running races. They offer physical therapists, testing, lectures.
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Vegas is everything that's right with America. You can do whatever you want, 24 hours a day. They've effectively legalized everything there.
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I don't know what people are going to think of my stand-up. If you only know me from 'The Price Is Right' and 'The Drew Carey Show,' then you might be a little bit shocked. I'm a little dirty and a little opinionated but all in fun.
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I remember when I took a temp job... so I got a job at a department store. Something temporary to put on my resume, my parents said. Yeah... till I die!
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I didn't see it coming, ... But Comedy Central wanted to do it and will air all 13 shows that we did. That's why I'm going out on this tour. If the show wasn't picked up, I would probably be flying off to a sporting event or something in October. I wanted to take a couple of years off, but that will have to wait because of the show and the tour.
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I learned how to believe in myself. Learned how to set goals, you know, self help books man. I just read every single one I can get a hold of, and I still do.
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I wish I could end every rap song I didn't like with a buzzer.
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I used to go to the library all the time when I was kid. As a teenager, I got a book on how to write jokes at the library, and that, in turn, launched my comedy career.
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As far as your personal goals are and what you actually want to do with your life, it should never have to do with the government. You should never depend on the government for your retirement, your financial security, for anything. If you do, you're screwed.
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Just because a guy has a shaved head, pierced nipples, and doesn't have sex with women doesn't make him gay. It just makes him down on his luck.
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The best thing about Las Vegas is that no one pretends to be responsible for your behavior like they do in the rest of the country. There's no meddling self-righteous liberals or right-wing Christian demagogues telling you that you can't do something fun with your own time and money. If you can afford it, it's yours.
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If frogs could fly... well we'd still be in this mess, but wouldn't it be neat?
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My fans are pretty normal, they are always really nice and polite, and they don't interrupt my meals.
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What also helps our show is that we never take ourselves seriously.
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I always thought I was going to die before I was 60.
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I'm the kind of person that likes what I'm doing when I'm doing it.