Sam Kinison Quotes
Folks, I've been straight for seventeen days... Not all in a row.
Sam Kinison
Quotes to Explore
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Rock Hudson was on his deathbed, going, 'It was that last fucking dick... god DAMN it, why did I suck it, WHY DID I SUCK IT!?!? I was ahead of the game, Mister! Million of dicks, never had a problem before-dick, dick, dick, suck, suck, suck; dick, dick, dick, suck, suck, suck. Never had a problem-IT WAS THAT LAST GODDAMN DICK!!!'
Sam Kinison
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Lick the alphabet. It makes you appear creative, it's an easy diagram to remember, it's like 'aaaaa.... beeeee.... ceeee.' She's thinking you're from fuckin' Europe or somethin: 'OH GOD, WHERE'D YOU LEARN THAT, OHHH,' and you're going 'A, B, C, D, E, F, G'.
Sam Kinison
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My view of life is, 'If you're going to miss Heaven, why miss it by two inches? Miss it!
Sam Kinison
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Oh, God, will you SHUT UP! GODDAMMIT, WILL YOU SHUT YOUR FUCKIN' MOUTH! YOU'RE HIS WHORE! OH! OHHHH!
Sam Kinison
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Oh, god, where's the fuckin' bottle, you fuckin' whore?! DID HE FUCK YOU WITH THIS TOO?! Yes- OH, SHUT UP!!! HE DID EVERYTHING TO YOU, OH, GOD!!!!
Sam Kinison
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Rage only works if it is justified. That's the trick with rage. You gotta have a reason to be mad.
Sam Kinison
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On the Kurds They're the most fucked people on Earth. You know that. They might as well change their name to the Fucks, 'cause they're fucked. We used to be the Kurds, now we're the Fucks!
Sam Kinison
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'Here's my man! It doesn't have to stay out and party with his guys!' 'Here, let me see that...It doesn't seem to be able to pick up the fucking check, does it?'
Sam Kinison
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I've never been against women. That anti-feminist rap is bogus. I think men should be nice to women, buy them diamonds.
Sam Kinison
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YOU LYING WHORE!!! You used me! You never loved me! I hope you slide under a gas truck and taste your own blood! DIE! DIE! DIE! I want my records back! I want my fucking records back!
Sam Kinison
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Real comedy doesn't just make people laugh and think, but makes them laugh and change.
Sam Kinison
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Well, life was tough, but at least I was able to live it out and I was able to face death and not be afraid. Well, now I'm ready to go to Heaven and be with Jesus, and...hey? Hey, what's this? Oh, God it feels like a man's DICK IN MY ASS! Oh, GOD!!! I'M DEAD!!! Oh, you mean life keeps on fucking you even after you're dead? Oh, it never ends! OH! OHHH!!!
Sam Kinison
