Fred Allen Quotes
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The last time I saw him he was walking down lover's lane holding his own hand.
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Hanging is too good for a man who makes puns; he should be drawn and quoted.
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An advertising agency is 85 percent confusion and 15 percent commission.
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We are living in the machine age. For the first time in history the comedian has been compelled to supply himself with jokes and comedy material to compete with the machine. Whether he knows it or not, the comedian is on a treadmill to oblivion.
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Washington is no place for a good actor. The competition from bad actors is too great.
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Hollywood is a place where people from Iowa mistake each other for stars.
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During the Samuel Johnson days they had big men enjoying small talk; today we have small men enjoying big talk.
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I always have trouble remembering three things: faces, names, and - I can't remember what the third thing is.
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Her hat is a creation that will never go out of style; it will just look ridiculous year after year.
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Television is a medium because anything well done is rare.
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Television is the triumph of machine over people.
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What's on your mind, if you will allow the overstatement.
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A good comedian can say things funny and other guys just say funny things.
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Life, in my estimation, is a biological misadventure that we terminate on the shoulders of six strange men whose only objective is to make a hole in one with you.
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Television is a device that permits people who haven't anything to do to watch people who can't do anything.
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I have just returned from Boston. It is the only thing to do if you find yourself up there.
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Imitation is the sincerest form of television.
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Committee - a group of men who individually can do nothing but as a group decide that nothing can be done.
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A committee is a group of people who individually can do nothing, but who, as a group, can meet and decide that nothing can be done.
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What does Sullivan do? He points at people. Rub meat on actors and dogs will do the same thing.
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I like long walks, especially when they are taken by people who annoy me.
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The advertising world had space men in it before spacemen existed.
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I play a musical instrument a little, but only for my own amazement.
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A committee is a group of the unprepared, appointed by the unwilling to do the unnecessary.