Mallory Ortberg Quotes
Eighty per cent of my output is 'Mallory clowns on the Western canon,' and I'm happy to be that person.
Quotes to Explore
-
If I'm playing with Ozzy it's just a guitar thing. But with the vocals I feel like I'm studying for the SATs.
-
We live as though there aren't enough hours in the day, but if we do each thing calmly and carefully we will get it done quicker and with much less stress.
-
Mike Pence not only knows the Capitol. He knows the players in the House and the Senate. He knows how the committee system works. But he also knows all the governors. And so that really brings a unique talent to the picture.
-
Although it's the hub of the nervous system and the ultimate terminus of every nerve, the brain itself lacks enervation and therefore cannot feel pain.
-
I was looking at my Instagram, and someone said to me, 'Who manages your Instagram?' I would never let anyone manage my Instagram! I enjoy it.
-
Take motherhood: nobody ever thought of putting it on a moral pedestal until some brash feminists pointed out, about a century ago, that the pay is lousy and the career ladder nonexistent.
-
Religion is essentially the art and the theory of the remaking of man. Man is not a finished creation.
-
You do not have to dramatize everything. In fact, you usually can't, not without ending up with a half-million-word novel.
-
In fighting, you're not going 200 mph, but there's obviously danger in the sport. If you're a fighter or a NASCAR driver, you're obviously an adrenaline junkie. Both also take a lot of skill.
-
Working with Bruno Mars would be really awesome. I'm such a fan of his, and I love that he's a real artist.
-
I've been playing old parts forever. I play 93 quite often. When you've done it more than once, you take the hint. I think it's a great burden if you're one of those fantastic stars who've always been beautiful; then I think it's hard.
-
I have to make sure that I make good choices and that if I put my name on it, it's a high-quality endeavor and that I have time to be a human being.
-
I love the truth. Tell the truth and live the truth, because we've seen enough lies and look what it's doing.
-
The best way to catch my attention is to throw a Twinkie near my face.
-
Every man is the architect of his own fortune.
-
We never broke up. As long as I'm living and as long as Chuck D is living, Public Enemy is always going to be alive.
-
I'm street smart. You can't con me. But that's just from living in New York. Now if a guy came from Mississippi somewhere, Ohio somewhere, to New York City for the first time, he don't have the street smarts. You can take him.
-
I was born and grew up in Fitzgerald, way down in south Georgia. It was a mill town and my family ran the cotton mill. My grandfather was mayor many times and my family felt deeply rooted to that spot.
-
I have no trouble with y enemies. But my god damn friends... they are the ones that keep me walking the floors at night.
-
People who have power respond simply. They have no minds but their own.
-
You grew up, we grew up B.C. Before crack. That's just saying it all. You understand? You don't have parents... You have young kids, fourteen, coming home and their mama is smoking out, going to their best friend to get the product.
-
Recently, I wrote that feminism was 'finding a way of being a girl that doesn't hurt' a way for girls and women to re-negotiate our understanding of the world so that we can become a full and equal part of it rather than just a means of decorating it; to move towards a place where the mere act of being a girl isn't used against us as both a threat and an obligation. Through feminism, I have found a peace of sorts from the sense that my femaleness required a constant apology so that I might be given permission to pass through these narrow corridors.
-
General, man is very useful. He can fly and he can kill. But he has one defect: He can think.
-
Eighty per cent of my output is 'Mallory clowns on the Western canon,' and I'm happy to be that person.
