Jay Leno Quotes
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The Supreme Court has ruled that they cannot have a nativity scene in Washington, D.C. This wasn't for any religious reasons. They couldn't find three wise men and a virgin.
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I didn't realize it was October until I saw the Chicago Cubs choking.
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If you don't want your dog to have bad breath, do what I do: Pour a little Lavoris in the toilet.
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If God doesn't destroy Hollywood Boulevard, he owes Sodom and Gomorrah an apology.
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More coming out about Saddam Hussein. We now know he takes Viagra and he has as many as six mistresses. No wonder Congress is reluctant to take action against this guy - he's one of their own.
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For the first time ever, overweight people outnumber average people in America. Doesn't that make overweight the average then? Last month you were fat, now you're average - hey, let's get a pizza!
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Do you know what White House correspondents call actors who pose as reporters? Anchors.
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Major league baseball has asked its players to stop tossing baseballs into the stands during games, because they say fans fight over them and they get hurt. In fact, the Florida Marlins said that's why they never hit any home runs. It's a safety issue.
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The reason there are two senators for each state is so that one can be the designated driver.
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CNN found that Hillary Clinton is the most admired woman in America. Women admire her because she's strong and successful. Men admire her because she allows her husband to cheat and get away with it.
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You're not famous until my mother has heard of you.
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How many of you watched the vice presidential debate expecting Sarah Palin to screw up? Be honest. cheers and applause : And how many of you watched the debate expecting Joe Biden to screw up? more cheers and applause : And how many of you watched the baseball game knowing the Cubs would screw up? more applause