Jay Leno Quotes
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So China's president Hu Jintao meets, uh- meets America's president. It's like President 'Who?' meeting President 'Huh?'.
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The Supreme Court has ruled that they cannot have a nativity scene in Washington, D.C. This wasn't for any religious reasons. They couldn't find three wise men and a virgin.
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Today is Valentine's Day - or, as men like to call it, Extortion Day!
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'This is now the twelfth day of rioting in France. They have been rioting for almost two weeks. And France has still not surrendered. That's like a record.
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I didn't realize it was October until I saw the Chicago Cubs choking.
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The reason there are two senators for each state is so that one can be the designated driver.
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CNN found that Hillary Clinton is the most admired woman in America. Women admire her because she's strong and successful. Men admire her because she allows her husband to cheat and get away with it.
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Do you know what White House correspondents call actors who pose as reporters? Anchors.
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If God doesn't destroy Hollywood Boulevard, he owes Sodom and Gomorrah an apology.
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Major league baseball has asked its players to stop tossing baseballs into the stands during games, because they say fans fight over them and they get hurt. In fact, the Florida Marlins said that's why they never hit any home runs. It's a safety issue.
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For the first time ever, overweight people outnumber average people in America. Doesn't that make overweight the average then? Last month you were fat, now you're average - hey, let's get a pizza!
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You're not famous until my mother has heard of you.