Jim Gaffigan Quotes

We are all a little weird. And we like to think that there is always someone weirder. I mean, I am sure some of you are looking at me and thinking, “Well, at least I am not as weird as you,” and I am thinking, “Well, at least I am not as weird as the people in the loony bin,” and the people in the loony bin are thinking, “Well, at least I am an orange”.

Jim Gaffigan

• People
• Thinking
• Mean

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Quotes to Explore

• Mikhail Gorbachev was the Jimmy Carter of the Communist bloc. The Russians hate him.

  

  P. J. O'Rourke
  • Hate
  • Him
  • Communist

• What is feminism? Simply the belief that women should be as free as men, however nuts, dim, deluded, badly dressed, fat, receding, lazy, and smug they might be.

  

  Caitlin Moran
  • Men
  • Women
  • Free

• I always tell people I went to the Harvard School of Comedy in front of America.

  

  Vicki Lawrence
  • People
  • School
  • America

• I like silence; I'm a gregarious loner and without the solitude, I lose my gregariousness.

  

  Karen Armstrong
  • Silence
  • Lose
  • Solitude

• I started riding the whole 'fluffy' train, and it's a cute word and socially a lot more acceptable than someone saying is fat or obese. If you call a girl 'fat,' yo, she'll raise hell, but if you say, 'Aw girl, look at you, you're fluffy,' there's almost a sexy appeal to it.

  

  Gabriel Iglesias
  • Girl
  • Sexy
  • Train

• Anytime you do something in this arena, whether it's public records or ethics, it's not like throwing a stone in a quiet pond. It's like throwing a boulder.

  

  Kate Brown
  • Ethics
  • Quiet
  • Stone

• In many films, as many different characters, I've killed many different people.

  

  Daniel Craig
  • People
  • Different
  • Different People

• Forethought we may have, undoubtedly, but not foresight.

  

  Napoleon Bonaparte
  • May
  • Foresight
  • Undoubtedly

• I sound like a chain-smoking drag queen after a hard night of singing 'Tie a Yellow Ribbon'.

  

  T. J. Miller
  • Night
  • Singing
  • Smoking

• Working with Mellencamp, I made new fans, people that may have never heard of me. They may have heard I was related to the Carter Family or Johnny Cash somehow, but what they got was pure Carlene.

  

  Carlene Carter
  • People
  • Family
  • May

• When I first started, I thought I was wack. Lyrically, I thought I was wack. The thing I had over everybody was that I was the realest rapper.

  

  Fat Joe
  • Thought
  • First
  • Rapper

• Who cares about the clouds when we're together? Just sing a song and bring the sunny weather.

  

  Dale Evans
  • Together
  • Song
  • Relationship

• It's actually harder to write a fun song.

  

  Taryn Manning Boomkat
  • Fun
  • Song
  • Write

• The bad guys don't always get punished and the good guys are not necessarily pure.

  

  Sam Waterston
  • Good
  • Bad
  • Always

• With a film, you just don't have time to build sympathy for the character. But I think we're moving away from that in TV. With TV, you have a little more leeway to allow them to rise and fall and rise again and be much more complicated beings.

  

  Rachel McAdams
  • Time
  • Character
  • Fall

• And we have done more in the two and a half years that I've been in here than the previous 43 Presidents to uphold that principle, whether it's ending 'don't ask, don't tell,' making sure that gay and lesbian partners can visit each other in hospitals, making sure that federal benefits can be provided to same-sex couples.

  

  Barack Obama
  • Done
  • Years
  • Sex

• When I was young I thought that money was the most important thing in life; now that I am old I know that it is.

  

  Oscar Wilde
  • Life
  • Important
  • Money

• I appreciate the constant evolution in refining food, but not in making food gimmicky.

  

  Daniel Boulud
  • Food
  • Appreciate
  • Evolution

• Then India, everyone has his own idea of India.

  

  J. Milton Hayes
  • Idea
  • Everyone
  • India

• I don't know what my calling is, but I want to be here for a bigger reason. I strive to be like the greatest people who have ever lived.

  

  Will Smith
  • People

• I don't feel despair because I am able to make the films I want to make, and that gives me hope.

  

  Alexander Payne
  • Hope

• My evil genius Procrastination has whispered me to tarry 'til a more convenient season.

  

  Mary Todd Lincoln
  • Evil
  • Procrastination

• When I first ran for public office, it was with the passion and idealism of a young man who believed that government could help make our lives better, that public service was a calling and that citizenship demanded responsibilities. There was a greater good.

  

  James McGreevey
  • Good
  • Help
  • Passion

• We are all a little weird. And we like to think that there is always someone weirder. I mean, I am sure some of you are looking at me and thinking, “Well, at least I am not as weird as you,” and I am thinking, “Well, at least I am not as weird as the people in the loony bin,” and the people in the loony bin are thinking, “Well, at least I am an orange”.

  

  Jim Gaffigan
  • People
  • Thinking
  • Mean