Jim Gaffigan Quotes

I was watching Animal Planet. Did you know that the male seahorse has the baby? And I was thinking, "Why don't they just call that the female seahorse?" You know it's just some stubborn scientist. "Yeah, that one there's the male seahorse." And his assistant's like, "Uh, Bill, that one's having a baby." ... "The male has the baby. You're fired."

Jim Gaffigan

• Funny
• Baby
• Animal
• Humor
• Female

• Previous
• Next

Quotes to Explore

• There's nothing simple when you're in this 'Good Place.'

  

  D'Arcy Carden
  • Good
  • You
  • Simple

• I don't have a radio or TV going all the time. It's very important to have awareness, to know when you tense up and then to stop that.

  

  Barbara Sukowa
  • Up
  • Time
  • Important

• I am definitely a dog person. I feel like Webster and I are very much alike.

  

  Calista Flockhart
  • Dog
  • Webster

• You know, rock stardom... I have a hard time discussing that because I don't really accept it. It's not really that tangible. What's really bizarre is how it's used as a thing - you know, 'He's the rock star of politics,' 'He's the rock star of quarterbacks' - like it's the greatest thing in the world.

  

  Eddie Vedder Pearl Jam
  • Time
  • World
  • Rock

• When I was doing all this acting stuff, all these kids, like, assumed, 'Oh, my God, you're on TV, and you probably have a lot of money.' And I was living in a garage.

  

  Becky G
  • God
  • Money
  • Kids

• For me to go casual is not to go simple. To me, it is to be able to bring back the art of tradition and the soul of French food and my interpretation of that.

  

  Daniel Boulud
  • Art
  • Soul
  • Food

• Every time you get something, give something away.

  

  Wendie Malick
  • Time
  • You
  • Give

• My parents wanted us to be well-rounded individuals and really have the American experiences as richly as one can.

  

  Uzo Aduba
  • American
  • Parents

• Each great athlete must some day bow to that perennial old champion, Father Time, even as I, for Time eventually wins.

  

  Major Taylor
  • Time
  • Great
  • Father

• Women are capable of doing so many things these days, physically, emotionally, within relationships and career. There are so many things that women have evolved into and I feel really proud about where women are right now.

  

  Cameron Diaz
  • Women
  • Career
  • Proud

• You can watch someone on – stage cry and cry – but in the audience you feel nothing. It's easy to become indulgent. For me, what's important is the story first.

  

  Laura Linney
  • Important
  • Feel
  • Story

• When you work so hard on making a film, it's all worthwhile when you get to experience seeing that film with an audience who thoroughly enjoy it and react to the movie.

  

  Karl Urban
  • Work
  • Experience
  • Movie

• I don't plot with huge detail, just big moments and important elements, and then I have a structure but can fly by the seat of my pants when I write.

  

  Rae Carson
  • Important
  • Moments
  • Fly

• Sometimes a scream is better than a thesis.

  

  Manfred Eigen
  • Sometimes
  • Better
  • Thesis

• How could man rejoice in victory and delight in the slaughter of men?

  

  Lao Tzu
  • Men
  • Man
  • Victory

• It is not enough for me to ask question; I want to know how to answer the one question that seems to encompass everything I face: What am I here for?

  

  Abraham Joshua Heschel
  • Want
  • Know
  • Question

• I'm motivated by creating a level playing field for the world so that the weak have a chance.

  

  Iqbal Quadir
  • World
  • Chance
  • Motivated

• Ultimately, you have to pursue your own path, not someone's idea of the right path. You need to stay on your path.

  

  Baz Luhrmann
  • You
  • Path
  • Own

• For true augmented reality, the display would have to dynamically focus, which would require additional hardware on the glasses to read your eye.

  

  Pranav Mistry
  • True
  • Reality
  • Focus

• Pigs get fat and hogs get slaughtered.

  

  Molly Ivins
  • Fats
  • Pigs
  • Hog

• Something traumatic happened to me when I was younger. I was with this old black woman, and she was very wise, very Alice Walker, The Color Purple...she looked at me and she says, 'Baby...you know I used to be able to fly but I can't fly no more, baby. But baby, you...? You too fat to fly.'

  

  Margaret Cho
  • She
  • Black
  • Baby

• I think it's one of those funny things - sometimes you're not really friends with somebody until you've gotten into a good fight, and I think that's the situation with Superman and Batman.

  

  Mark Valley
  • Good
  • Friends
  • Funny

• One fan sent me one tooth, so I made a necklace out of it. But then I found a bunch of my baby teeth, and started realizing I would love to wear a piece of my fans' bodies on me.

  

  Kesha
  • Baby

• I was watching Animal Planet. Did you know that the male seahorse has the baby? And I was thinking, "Why don't they just call that the female seahorse?" You know it's just some stubborn scientist. "Yeah, that one there's the male seahorse." And his assistant's like, "Uh, Bill, that one's having a baby." ... "The male has the baby. You're fired."

  

  Jim Gaffigan
  • Funny
  • Baby
  • Animal