Jim Gaffigan Quotes
I was watching Animal Planet. Did you know that the male seahorse has the baby? And I was thinking, "Why don't they just call that the female seahorse?" You know it's just some stubborn scientist. "Yeah, that one there's the male seahorse." And his assistant's like, "Uh, Bill, that one's having a baby." ... "The male has the baby. You're fired."

Quotes to Explore
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There's nothing simple when you're in this 'Good Place.'
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I don't have a radio or TV going all the time. It's very important to have awareness, to know when you tense up and then to stop that.
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I am definitely a dog person. I feel like Webster and I are very much alike.
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You know, rock stardom... I have a hard time discussing that because I don't really accept it. It's not really that tangible. What's really bizarre is how it's used as a thing - you know, 'He's the rock star of politics,' 'He's the rock star of quarterbacks' - like it's the greatest thing in the world.
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When I was doing all this acting stuff, all these kids, like, assumed, 'Oh, my God, you're on TV, and you probably have a lot of money.' And I was living in a garage.
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For me to go casual is not to go simple. To me, it is to be able to bring back the art of tradition and the soul of French food and my interpretation of that.
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Every time you get something, give something away.
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My parents wanted us to be well-rounded individuals and really have the American experiences as richly as one can.
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Each great athlete must some day bow to that perennial old champion, Father Time, even as I, for Time eventually wins.
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Women are capable of doing so many things these days, physically, emotionally, within relationships and career. There are so many things that women have evolved into and I feel really proud about where women are right now.
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You can watch someone on – stage cry and cry – but in the audience you feel nothing. It's easy to become indulgent. For me, what's important is the story first.
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When you work so hard on making a film, it's all worthwhile when you get to experience seeing that film with an audience who thoroughly enjoy it and react to the movie.
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I don't plot with huge detail, just big moments and important elements, and then I have a structure but can fly by the seat of my pants when I write.
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Sometimes a scream is better than a thesis.
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How could man rejoice in victory and delight in the slaughter of men?
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It is not enough for me to ask question; I want to know how to answer the one question that seems to encompass everything I face: What am I here for?
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I'm motivated by creating a level playing field for the world so that the weak have a chance.
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Ultimately, you have to pursue your own path, not someone's idea of the right path. You need to stay on your path.
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I want to be remembered as a woman who was fair and always gave 150 percent, no matter what I did.
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I've never been that comfortable talking about myself or about acting.
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Stardom is only a by-product of acting. I don't think being a movie star is a good enough reason for existing.
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LSD as Adolf Hitler: Heil Baby!
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I was watching Animal Planet. Did you know that the male seahorse has the baby? And I was thinking, "Why don't they just call that the female seahorse?" You know it's just some stubborn scientist. "Yeah, that one there's the male seahorse." And his assistant's like, "Uh, Bill, that one's having a baby." ... "The male has the baby. You're fired."