Jimmy Carr Quotes
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More people are going out to comedy shows than they were before.
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I literally can't believe my luck. Torturing Americans should not only be easy, but a pleasure!
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The tragedy for comedians is there's nothing more they want than to be liked. We desperately seek approval. It's almost like a personality disorder you can do as a job.
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I'm obsessed with TV. How wrong our parents were when they said we should only watch an hour a day. Stop wasting your time reading books.
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Jokes spread around the world and embed themselves in our shared culture; the most resonant of them get lodged in the language in the same way as cliches or old wives' tales do.
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Like most of the world's population I'm into coffee, but in a properly big and important way. My perfect weekend would start with a pint of coffee.
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I think the idea that death is not the end, that your dog's just gone to live on the farm, is limiting. Thoughts like that prevent you from making the most of the time that you have.
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The highest terrorist threat level, as we all know, is 'I don't care if this does look racist, I'm getting off the bus... That backpack is huge and he doesn't need to be saying his prayers.'
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The bigger the audience, the better with comedy.
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They say the people most affected by the credit crunch are pensioners - well, let go of the handbag then, Nanna.
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But what's true about comedians is that we've all got a huge hole in our personality. In a room of 3,000 people, we're the one person facing in the opposite direction - yet we have this overwhelming desire to be liked.
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I didn't plan to be the rude middle-class comedian. You write a certain type of joke that you find funny, and mine happen to be often rude. Yes, it's juvenile, but that's me.
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My writing process is editing. It's taking all the funny thoughts you've had over the last 12 months, and editing out everything that's shit. You're left with an hour and a quarter of funny stuff.
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I don't see myself as offending people.
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I immediately adored performing. It really empowers you when everyone's laughing. It gives you an immense buzz. You just feel on top of the world.
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I am trying to release endorphins here. I am not preaching to you - I am trying to make you laugh.
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I love those people who do story-telling and who ramble on, but I don't do that, I tell jokes - the sort of jokes that anyone really could tell in the pub.
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Yes, I have this crazy honk of a laugh.
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All comedians are a bit attention-seeking and I'm no different. Anyone with the audacity to want to be listened to for an hour and a half must be.
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The great thing about being a comedian is that it kind of doesn't matter how you look. It's actually a disadvantage to be too good-looking. There's a Darwinian advantage to being funny. If you're a good-looking fella, you can't be bothered to make up jokes.
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So they've laughed and then they've thought, should we have laughed at that? Well, too late now. You did. I imagine I get more than my fair share of that.
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The first few weeks of joining Weight Watchers, you're just finding your feet.
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I'm a stand-up. And no one on the circuit's terribly impressed if you're on TV. I suppose I've stolen my ethos from Jay Leno. You can do all the TV in the world, but that's a team game, and anyone can be dropped from the squad. And if you haven't gigged in a while, you're not firing, you're not match fit. So I try and do it whenever I can.