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My dong is super-friendly and loves getting rubbed by children. #CareerEndingTwitterTypos
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Here's what I'm afraid of. I know a lot of comedians, friends of mine, who just got into the 'Doesn't matter what I say. It doesn't matter. They're just gonna laugh anyway.'
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I mean, all alternative comedy is are comedians that have being doing it for so long, for so long, that they were relaxed enough to start becoming personal on stage.
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It's like our country is being run by a bunch of bad alcoholic dads right now.
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I don't want to get into extended conversations with people on MySpace, because there are friends I have extended conversations with every day.
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When I was 25, all I did was just scream, 'Sellout! Fucking sellouts. Corporate sellout. Industry bullshit. Meh-meh-meh.' I look back on it and I realized, 'oh, I was screaming 'sellout' because nobody wanted to buy what I was selling.'
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There are times when I have to take, I call it a 'silence bath,' where I shut off all of the external gadgets. I go walk around, talk to people, and just live life for a while.
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If you play comedic scenes like they're really serious, then it's so much more funny than if you're going for a laugh.
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The Kentucky Fried Chicken corporation made a bobble head of me and sent it to my management. No card, nothing.
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I have to drink this much to be as unfunny as you.
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If another one of my Whole-Foods friends says my wife should have a home birth, I am going to punch all the soy on the planet.
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There's nothing wrong with doing comedies, and I'm not against comedies, either, but I always want to do stuff that keeps me off my guard and gets me out of my comfort zone.