Joe Rogan Quotes
- All Quotes
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I talk so much about sex that girls just want to meet me.
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Have you ever talked to someone, and you're not even really talking to them? Actors are the worst for that.
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Stand-up is still my favorite, but the podcast is a close second. It's so fun, and it's given me the opportunity to have three-hour conversations with people I wouldn't have otherwise been able to talk to. When I talked to Maynard Keenan from Tool, I almost couldn't believe it was happening.
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After this whole acting thing is over and done, you eventually have to be human. Some people are never human. It's very weird.
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I've been involved in mixed martial arts since 1997 when I first started working for the UFC.
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On my left knee I have a long scar from an ACL operation. I've had both knees reconstructed.
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To me, comedy is a great occupation because I don't really worry that much about what other people think of me.
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I never in my wildest imagination dreamed that I would somehow become a sports commentator.
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When you snatch little pieces of other people's lives and try to palm them off as your own, that's more disgusting than anything. Robin Williams is a huge thief. Denis Leary is a huge thief. His whole stand-up career is based on Bill Hicks, a brilliant guy who died years ago.
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about Fear Factor Every now and then I'll be right in the middle of it and just go 'What the fuck am I doing? There's a girl with a mouthful of animal dicks, and I'm telling her 'you can get more in there', and she's listening to me. That's my job? Oh, my guidance counselor owes me a fucking apology. That dude lacked vision.'
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If you can lie, you can act, and if you can lie to crazy girlfriends, you can act under pressure.
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People want their 15 minutes and are willing to do anything to get it.
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Your body's really only meant to compete at the highest levels of combat sports for a few years.
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You're sort of programmed a certain way because of your environment. That's all you know. But we don't have that anymore because of the internet. Because of the internet we're all communicating with each other all across the board, so you're getting information from people all around the world, hitting a much more diverse slice of culture.
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I do cagefight commentary in my spare time.
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Just because I'm staring deep into your birth canal does not mean that I'm fucked up. It means you should have paid more attention in high school and I have a dollar. I have four quarters and you have a bad job. Don't get pissed at me because you didn't learn how to type, you no-back-up-plan-having pain in the ass.
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The comics I hate are thieves. Nothing's more disgusting than a guy who steals another person's ideas and tries to claim them as his own.
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I really feel like it's a travesty to make a child famous. I really do.
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As a longtime practitioner of yoga and a person who's been involved in physical fitness my whole life, I can tell you, yoga helps you achieve altered states of consciousness. It is not just stretching. The only way you can say that it's stretching is if you haven't done it, or that you haven't done it rigorously for a long period of time.
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Because I have a girlfriend, I try and take the straight and narrow path, which is good because it prevents VD.
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Comedy is really not like any other art form in that it's very specialized and varied in it's content, but generic in it's title.
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The two things I understand best are stand-up comedy and martial arts. And those things require an ultimate grasp of the truth. You have to be objective about your skills and abilities to compete in both.
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People are scared man, they're scared of the void.
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I had seen movies before that that had made me laugh, but I had never seen anything even remotely close to as funny as Richard Pryor was, just standing there talking.