Joel McHale Quotes
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In prison, inmates sometimes use Cheetos and grape juice as makeup. I wouldn't use that beauty regimen around Britney Spears - she might lick your face off!
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Follow what your head is telling you and work hard. That's the big secret.
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With 'The Soup,' obviously it has to be totally scripted out, and then, within that, I improvise punchlines and sometimes setups if I can't read the teleprompter properly.
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I don't think the NFL had the slightest intention of taking me, except as maybe a water boy.
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Now I tell my mom, I go, 'Mom, you know when I was a kid and you told me to turn off the television and go outside and play?' I'd be like, 'You literally were hurting my career when you did that. You literally stopped me from doing now, what I do for a living.'
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E! didn't like it when we'd make fun of clips from ESPN - they'd be like, 'That's sports! That's not our audience!'
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I couldn't read the way that other students read, so I would just cheat, which, in my silly brain, I was like, 'This is a skill that I'm developing - how to just get around everything!'
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My children do not know what it's like to flip around channels. They either go to Netflix, Apple TV, or they pull up YouTube, and they can watch their shows.
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When you are an actor or trying to be a working actor in L.A., most people have commercial agents, and then they have legitimate agents, and you just end up going on a thousand auditions.
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When E! ended the show, it wasn't because it was low-rated. It was because E! did not want to pay union rerun dues.
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I don't feel any pressure to joke about #MeToo - in fact, I'd say you shouldn't, because it's a great movement that is exposing some really awful behavior and hopefully changing the culture.
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The editors and the creators of 'The Bachelor' and 'The Bachelorette,' they are so good at casting and at finding these young, beautiful lunatics to go on the show.
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'Big Brother,' I can't believe people watch. It's just people whispering to each other for hours and then some silly challenge like, who can pull the most stones out of a stuffed alligator, with some product tie-in.
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Once you've been booked, people in Hollywood say, 'Oh he must be good.' All the while you're the same actor.
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You have to have talent. You have to get the audition and then you have to nail the audition.
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Yes, I would say my comedy is grunge, evidenced by the fact my jokes have put an end to big-hair glam comedy.
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I like 'American Idol' because it's an actual talent contest.
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All I care about is making jokes that are funny and making people laugh.
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I like anything with Zak Bagans and ghost hunters.
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'Maury' and 'Jerry Springer' get so theatrical that it's hard to believe.
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Acting is what I'd always wanted to do; hosting 'The Soup' was more because of Greg Kinnear.
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My goal and my career is definitely not to be famous. That's a really horrible goal, just to be famous for the sake of having fame.
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I operate off of fear almost exclusively.
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Joel McHale is so money, he should be printed on money.