Johnny Carson Quotes
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I know a man who gave up smoking, drinking, sex, and rich food. He was healthy right up to the day he killed himself.
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Talent alone won't make you a success. Neither will being in the right place at the right time, unless you are ready. The most important question is: 'Are your ready?'
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If life was fair, Elvis would be alive and all the impersonators would be dead.
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If it weren't for Philo T. Farnsworth, inventor of television, we'd still be eating frozen radio dinners.
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People will pay more to be entertained than educated.
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Mail your packages early so the post office can lose them in time for Christmas.
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I did not know that.
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The only thing money gives you is the freedom of not worrying about money.
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We're more effective than birth control pills.
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I was so naive as a kid I used to sneak behind the barn and do nothing.
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When turkeys mate they think of swans.
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Never continue in a job you don't enjoy. If you're happy in what you're doing, you'll like yourself, you'll have inner peace. And if you have that, along with physical health, you will have had more success than you could possibly have imagined.
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New York is an exciting town where something is happening all the time, most unsolved.
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Democracy means that anyone can grow up to be president, and anyone who doesn't grow up can be vice president.
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It was so hot today I saw a robin dipping his worm in Nestea. It was so hot today I saw a pigeon walking in the shadow of Orson Welles. It was so hot today that Burger King was singing, 'if you want it your way, cook it yourself.'
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If variety is the spice of life, marriage is the big can of leftover Spam.
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Who could follow Carson? Well, believe me, somebody can - and will.
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Anytime four New Yorkers get into a cab together without arguing, a bank robbery has just taken place.
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If life were fair, Elvis would be alive and all the impersonators would be dead.
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Happiness is your dentist telling you it won't hurt and then having him catch his hand in the drill.
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The mind starts to do things that you didn't even realize it could do. I suppose it's the manipulation. I suppose it's the sense of power, the center of attention, and the me-ism. And performers have to have that.
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I know you've been married to the same woman for 69 years. That is marvelous. It must be very inexpensive.
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To be an entertainer, you gotta be a little gutsy, a little egotistical, so you have to pull back sometimes when people say, 'Well, he's stuck-up.' 'Stuck-up' is only another word for self-conscious.
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For three days after death, hair and fingernails continue to grow but phone calls taper off.