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All of our religions but the Judaic and the Greek think more of us dead than alive.
Joseph Heller -
Major Major never sees anyone in his office while he's in his office.
Joseph Heller
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Just for once I'd like to see all these things sort of straightened out, with each person getting exactly what he deserves. It might give me some confidence in this universe.
Joseph Heller -
Actually there were many officers' clubs that Yossarian had not helped build, but he was proudest of the one on Pianosa. It was a sturdy and complex monument to his powers of determination. Yossarian never went there to help until it was finished; then he went there often, so pleased was he with the large , fine, rambling shingled building. It was a truly splendid building, and Yossarian throbbed with a mighty sense of accomplishment each time he gazed at it and reflected that none of the work that had gone into it was his.
Joseph Heller -
Now you've given them hope, and they're unhappy. So the blame is all yours.
Joseph Heller -
I want to keep my dreams, even bad ones, because without them, I might have nothing all night long.
Joseph Heller -
Clevinger had a mind, and Lieutenant Scheisskoph had noticed that people with minds tended to get pretty smart at times.
Joseph Heller -
Nurse Duckett found Yossarian wonderful and was already trying to change him.
Joseph Heller
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I think that maybe in every company today there is always at least one person who is going crazy slowly.
Joseph Heller -
Prostitution gives her an opportunity to meet people. It provides fresh air and wholesome exercise, and it keeps her out of trouble.
Joseph Heller -
The Texan turned out to be good-natured, generous and likable. In three days no one could stand him.
Joseph Heller -
I'm gonna live forever, or die trying.
Joseph Heller -
If Richard Nixon was second-rate, what in the world is third-rate?
Joseph Heller -
I'd like to see the government get out of war altogether and leave the whole field to private individuals.
Joseph Heller
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Remember that everyone deserves some fun during working hours.
Joseph Heller -
Suppose everyone on our side felt that way?
Joseph Heller -
You wouldn’t be normal if you were never afraid. Even the bravest men experience fear. One of the biggest jobs we all face in combat is to overcome fear.
Joseph Heller -
Something did happen to me somewhere that robbed me of confidence and courage and left me with a fear of discovery and change and a positive dread of everything unknown that may occur.
Joseph Heller -
But that was war. Just about all he could find in its favor was that it paid well and liberated children from the pernicious influence of their parents.
Joseph Heller -
It was miraculous. It was almost no trick at all, he saw, to turn vice into virtue and slander into truth, impotence into abstinence, arrogance into humility, plunder into philanthropy, thievery into honor, blasphemy into wisdom, brutality into patriotism, and sadism into justice. Anybody could do it; it required no brains at all. It merely required no character.
Joseph Heller
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Yossarian decided to change the subject. "Now you're changing the subject." he pointed out diplomatically. "I'll bet I can name two things to be miserable about for every one you can name to be thankful for.
Joseph Heller -
If character is destiny, the good are damned.
Joseph Heller -
That's some catch, that Catch-22," he observed. It's the best there is," Doc Daneeka agreed.
Joseph Heller -
I think that maybe inside any business, there is someone slowly going crazy
Joseph Heller