Erma Bombeck Quotes
Quotes to Explore
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I was funny around my family. My family, they're pretty funny, too.
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In terms of my involvement in 'don't ask, don't tell' and marriage equality and anti-bullying and social emotional learning in schools - these are all things that arise out of my relationship with the world and with my fans.
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Marriage is a very good thing, but I think it's a mistake to make a habit out of it.
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I think marriage is a beautiful thing. I'm still a supporter of it.
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When I was born here in Gulfport in 1966, my parents' interracial marriage was still illegal, and it was very hard to drive around town with my parents, to be out in public with my parents.
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I wish the government would put a tax on pianos for the incompetent.
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Whenever a husband and wife begin to discuss their marriage they are giving evidence at a coroner's inquest.
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There's a rule of writing: if everything is funny, nothing is funny; if everything is sad, nothing is sad. You want that contrast.
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Even though people may be well known, they hold in their hearts the emotions of a simple person for the moments that are the most important of those we know on earth: birth, marriage and death.
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I can always get better. A lot of my ex-girlfriends don't think I'm funny.
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The funny thing is that I'm the girl who no one sees at the beach. Ask anyone who's traveled with me. Normally, I'm in so many layers, I look like Lawrence of Arabia!
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Johnny Rotten. He's a big fan of mine. I used to see him out in the audience in England and he'd stand up and holler. He's funny. Smart too, and a nice guy. Don't think he's a jerk because he isn't.
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Turn up the lights. I don't want to go home in the dark.
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Men have a much better time of it than women. For one thing, they marry later; for another thing, they die earlier.
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To do something funny, you have to have experienced it in real life and digested it in a way that amuses you.
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It is even harder for the average ape to believe that he has descended from man.
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It's funny because everyone says you sleep when baby sleeps or you take a nap when baby takes a nap. That's true when you have one. When you have two, that is not true.
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Normally, it's one or the other - a pretty, straight woman or a more charactery woman who isn't supposed to be attractive. But women like Tina Fey are leading the charge on being both. You can be funny and attractive.
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In comedy, though, it's good to get feedback from the audience about what they find funny.
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In the frequently-asked-question category, the question I get asked almost as much as 'What's the worst thing you've ever eaten?' is 'What's the best pair of pants to travel in, work in, trek in, and use on the road for the most activities possible?'
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I always feel like there's some behaviour that we're all capable - we have our inhibitions protecting from indulging in certain appetites or developing certain appetites.
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God doesn't dwell in the wooden, stony or earthen idols. His abode is in our feelings, our thoughts.
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It's really hard to meet good women in Hollywood.
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It would have been a wonderful wedding - had it not been mine.
