Mitch Hedberg Quotes

Do you think I am standing here, making this up as I go? I am sorry to disillusion you. I am not Robin Williams. I am the king of the pen.

Mitch Hedberg

• Sorry
• Making
• Standing

• Previous
• Next

Quotes to Explore

• The chief value of money lies in the fact that one lives in a world in which it is overestimated.

  

  H. L. Mencken
  • World
  • Money
  • Value

• I'm very conscious of other people's opinions and of people not liking me.

  

  Jack Whitehall
  • People
  • Me
  • Conscious

• I took the first James Kelman novel, 'The Bus Conductor Hines', home to my dad. I thought, 'My dad will like this; it's written in Scots.' But my dad said: 'I can't read that.' He was reading James Bond and John le Carre. That was part of what attracted me to crime - the idea of getting a wide audience.

  

  Ian Rankin
  • Home
  • Dad
  • Reading

• Once in my childhood I had been eager to learn Irish; I thought to get leave to take lessons from an old Scripture-reader who spent a part of his time in the parish of Killinane, teaching such scholars as he could find to read their own language in the hope that they might turn to the only book then being printed in Irish, the Bible.

  

  Lady Gregory
  • Time
  • Book
  • Hope

• Having a son is not all pleasure.

  

  Yoko Ono
  • Son
  • Pleasure
  • Having

• All I can say is, I don't encourage younger kids to read my books, and actually, the biggest age group on my Facebook page is 25- to 35-year-old women.

  

  Abbi Glines
  • Women
  • Kids
  • Age

• Neil Young is the prime example, the grand goal, if you will. He's still shredding, and he never lost his credibility.

  

  Mac DeMarco
  • Lost
  • Goal
  • Young

• Arafat contradicts himself every five minutes. He always plays the double-cross, lies even if you ask him what time it is.

  

  Oriana Fallaci
  • Time
  • You
  • Always

• I first started acting in primary school, just doing little plays. And from the moment I began, something just went 'click' inside me. Suddenly I wasn't shy anymore. Instead I felt confident and happy. I can remember the enormous sense of relief it gave me. I loved the feeling of making people laugh.

  

  Sally Hawkins
  • People
  • School
  • Remember

• Book-learning scarcely tells me Of severe afflictions after death-bed; And such as have heard my bardic books They shall obtain the region of heaven, the best of all abodes.

  

  Taliesin
  • Book
  • Death
  • Learning

• Do not allow your dreams of a beautiful world to lure you away from the claims of men who suffer here and now. Our fellow men have a claim to our help; no generation must be sacrificed for the sake of future generations, for the sake of an ideal of happiness that may never be realised.

  

  Karl Popper
  • World
  • Men
  • May

• You can't prove Rembrandt is better than Norman Rockwell - although if you actually do prefer Rockwell, I'd say you were shunning complexity, were secretly conservative, and hadn't really looked at either painter's work. Taste is a blood sport.

  

  Jerry Saltz
  • Work

• My brother never got an opportunity to throw a pitch, and I didn't want the same thing to happen to another young kid.

  

  Pedro Martinez
  • Opportunity
  • Brother

• I inherited my weight problem from my mum. She was always on diets. If there was a box of chocolates in the house, she'd eat half a chocolate, then put the other half back. She loved me, but she did encourage me to diet in my teens.

  

  Lesley Nicol
  • She
  • House
  • Chocolate

• Most pitchers are too smart to manage.

  

  Jim Palmer
  • Smart

• Scales are not allowed in my house.

  

  Prince Fielder
  • House

• I really admire Werner Herzog and Spike Lee. They're amazing documentarians. If you took away all the narratives, they'd just be amazing documentarians.

  

  Ava DuVernay
  • Amazing

• I would like to see every parent either directly - if they are comfortable with the technology - or through a personal tutor, being able to access real-time information about their child.

  

  Jim Knight
  • Time
  • Real
  • Technology

• One of my goals is definitely to motivate the youth towards sports. Whether it's arts or academics, I just want to let them know that anything is possible. To think that I grew up as a WWE fan and now I'm a WWE champion proves that through hard work anything really is possible.

  

  Jinder Mahal
  • Up
  • Work
  • Sports

• And if you dont come back from the dorm, I'm the one who has to explain to Micheal how I let you go off and get yourself killed like a Dumbass. First rule in horror movies, Clair-Never split up!

  

  Rachel Caine
  • Up
  • Movies
  • Kill

• The opponents of this process have always tried to vilify westernization as a poor imitation.

  

  Orhan Pamuk
  • Always
  • Process
  • Imitation

• All religions, with their gods, their demigods, and their prophets, their messiahs and their saints, were created by the credulous fancy of men who had not attained the full development and full possession of their faculties.

  

  Mikhail Bakunin
  • Religion
  • Development
  • Possession

• The FHA literally drew up the redlining map and then basically distributed - I'm sorry, the Home Owners' Loan Corporation actually did it, and then distributed to banks who used that as policy to determine how they would lend and who they would lend to. The racism in the system was pervasive and total.

  

  Ta-Nehisi Coates
  • Up
  • Home
  • Sorry

• Do you think I am standing here, making this up as I go? I am sorry to disillusion you. I am not Robin Williams. I am the king of the pen.

  

  Mitch Hedberg
  • Sorry
  • Making
  • Standing