Dan Castellaneta Quotes
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Lisa, vampires are make-believe, like elves, gremlins, and eskimos.
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Son, this is the only time I'm ever gonna say this. It is not okay to lose.
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I am so smart! I am so smart! S-M-A-R-T! I mean, S-M-A-R-T!
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I'm not a bad guy! I work hard, and I love my kids. So why should I spend half my Sunday hearing about how I'm going to Hell?
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No! No no no no no no! Well, yes.
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Don't you ever, EVER talk that way about television.
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Son, when you participate in sporting events, its not whether you win or loose, its how drunk you get.
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Do you want the job done right, or do you want it done fast?
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Quiet you kids. If I hear one more word, Bart doesn't get to watch cartoons, and Lisa doesn't get to go to college.
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I bet Einstein turned himself all sorts of colors before he invented the light bulb.
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That's it! You people have stood in my way long enough. I'm going to clown college!
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I'm never going to be disabled. I'm sick of being so healthy.
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If the Bible has taught us nothing else, and it hasn't, it's that girls should stick to girls sports, such as hot oil wrestling, foxy boxing, and such and such.
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Oh no! What have I done? I smashed open my little boy's piggy bank, and for what? A few measly cents, not even enough to buy one beer. Wait a minute, lemme count and make sure... not even close.
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Ah, sweet pity. Where would my love life have been without it?
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Well you know boys, a nuclear reactor is a lot like women. You just have to read the manual and press the right button.
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Oh, people can come up with statistics to prove anything, Kent. 14% of people know that.
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Press the any key ... hmmm where's the any key?
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Kids, kids. I'm not going to die. That only happens to bad people.
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America's health care system is second only to Japan... Canada, Sweden, Great Britain, ... well all of Europe. But you can thank your lucky stars we don't live in Paraguay!
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Where is Bart, anyway? His dinner is getting all cold and eaten.
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Son, a woman is like a beer. They smell good, they look good, you'd step over your own mother just to get one! But you can't stop at one. You wanna drink another woman!
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Kill myself? Killing myself is the last thing I'd ever do. Now I have a purpose, a reason to live. I don't care who I have to face, I don't care who I have to fight, I will not rest until this street gets a stop sign!
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I won't sleep in the same bed with a woman who thinks I'm lazy! I'm going right downstairs, unfold the couch, unroll the sleeping ba- uh, goodnight.