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Marriage is like a coffin and each kid is like another nail.
Dan Castellaneta -
Son, this is the only time I'm ever gonna say this. It is not okay to lose.
Dan Castellaneta
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Oh, people can come up with statistics to prove anything, Kent. 14% of people know that.
Dan Castellaneta -
I'm never going to be disabled. I'm sick of being so healthy.
Dan Castellaneta -
I bet Einstein turned himself all sorts of colors before he invented the light bulb.
Dan Castellaneta -
Do you want the job done right, or do you want it done fast?
Dan Castellaneta -
No! No no no no no no! Well, yes.
Dan Castellaneta -
Oh no! What have I done? I smashed open my little boy's piggy bank, and for what? A few measly cents, not even enough to buy one beer. Wait a minute, lemme count and make sure... not even close.
Dan Castellaneta
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If the Bible has taught us nothing else, and it hasn't, it's that girls should stick to girls sports, such as hot oil wrestling, foxy boxing, and such and such.
Dan Castellaneta -
Kill myself? Killing myself is the last thing I'd ever do. Now I have a purpose, a reason to live. I don't care who I have to face, I don't care who I have to fight, I will not rest until this street gets a stop sign!
Dan Castellaneta -
Marge, it's 3 AM. Shouldn't you be cooking or something?
Dan Castellaneta -
I'm not a bad guy! I work hard, and I love my kids. So why should I spend half my Sunday hearing about how I'm going to Hell?
Dan Castellaneta -
Kids, kids. I'm not going to die. That only happens to bad people.
Dan Castellaneta -
Son, when you participate in sporting events, its not whether you win or loose, its how drunk you get.
Dan Castellaneta
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I am so smart! I am so smart! S-M-A-R-T! I mean, S-M-A-R-T!
Dan Castellaneta -
Well you know boys, a nuclear reactor is a lot like women. You just have to read the manual and press the right button.
Dan Castellaneta -
All normal people love meat. If I went to a barbeque and there was no meat, I would say 'Yo Goober! Where's the meat?'. I'm trying to impress people here Lisa. You don't win friends with salad.
Dan Castellaneta -
America's health care system is second only to Japan... Canada, Sweden, Great Britain, ... well all of Europe. But you can thank your lucky stars we don't live in Paraguay!
Dan Castellaneta -
Press the any key ... hmmm where's the any key?
Dan Castellaneta -
Marge, it takes two to lie. One to lie and one to listen.
Dan Castellaneta
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I know what you're saying, Bart. When I was young, I wanted an electric football machine more than anything else in the world, and my parents bought it for me, and it was the happiest day of my life. Well, goodnight.
Dan Castellaneta -
Ah, sweet pity. Where would my love life have been without it?
Dan Castellaneta -
Me lose brain? Uh, oh! Ha ha ha! Why I laugh?
Dan Castellaneta -
I think Mr. Smithers picked me for my motivational skills. Everyone always says they have to work twice as hard when I'm around!
Dan Castellaneta