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At the end of the day, teachers aren't going to mess about trying to make me into an Einstein, 'cause it was never gonna happen. We can't all be brainy, can we? That's just the way the world is.
Karl Pilkington -
I don't know any Londoners 'cos I'm from Manchester.
Karl Pilkington
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They say it all started out with a big bang. But, what I wonder is, was it a big bang or did it just seem big because there wasn't anything else drown it out at the time?
Karl Pilkington -
All fame is is having people you don't know coming up to you and saying, 'Hello.' I'm always polite and people are always nice, but it's weird.
Karl Pilkington -
I think it's a problem when something's a dream because it'll never live up to your expectations. It's better to go somewhere thinking it'll be horrible, and then be pleasantly surprised.
Karl Pilkington -
Comedy's really subjective, you know.
Karl Pilkington -
But I'm not an idiot. At the end of the day, I've learned a lot.
Karl Pilkington -
With acting, I didn't get much from it.
Karl Pilkington
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I'd rather live in a cave with a view of a palace than live in a palace with a view of a cave.
Karl Pilkington -
I love nature - it's probably my most favorite thing. I don't watch much telly, the telly hardly goes on, but the things I do watch are sort of nature programs, and something about the oceans and the amount of weird fish that's in there.
Karl Pilkington -
It's not a joke: I really do like being at home.
Karl Pilkington -
I say have the night and give people the awards, but why do people want to watch people win awards? What are they getting out of it? I don't quite get it. Because they have awards all the time; there's awards for butchers, the best meat served, but they don't televise it. I don't know why they do it for films or TV programs.
Karl Pilkington -
Sometimes you can know too much. A lot of brainy people like Stephen Fry are quite depressive.
Karl Pilkington -
I don't want to go about offending people; that's not my plan.
Karl Pilkington
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You can only live to be so old, then you gotta let go.
Karl Pilkington -
I don't think I'd be a very good parent. I'd be too honest.
Karl Pilkington -
I've got loads of nieces and nephews.
Karl Pilkington -
I've never thought about it before, but I suppose bad people might need someone to pray to, too.
Karl Pilkington -
I just sort of go along and say what I think -and that's all you can do in life, really.
Karl Pilkington -
Ricky: You are the strangest man alive.
Karl Pilkington
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I've never understood the 'things to do before you die' idea. If I was ill, I'd be in no mood to have a swim with a dolphin.
Karl Pilkington -
I mean, I don't really go out at night in terms of noisy, busy places; I prefer more of a quiet corner somewhere.
Karl Pilkington -
Everyone is living for everyone else now. They're doing stuff so they can tell other people about it. I don't get all that social media stuff, I've always got other things I want to do - odd jobs around the house. No one wants to hear about that.
Karl Pilkington -
You know, when you're a producer, you're a bit of a lackey. You're just making cups of tea and making sure they've got newspaper, stuff like that.
Karl Pilkington