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Me mum used to always have the radio on – even now she has it on in every room. Me girlfriend sort of blames that reason for me not doing that well at school – constant noise, really.
Karl Pilkington -
We should all love animals.
Karl Pilkington
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We'll all die out eventually. Humans will be gone. And all I'm saying is, when people worry about polar bears disappearing or whatever, it's like, 'Well that's life, things will come and go, we'll find new species.'
Karl Pilkington -
I don't know what I'm meant to do. I'm not important, am I? I'm not doing anything that makes a difference.
Karl Pilkington -
I sometimes wonder how we're short of cod. There's gonna be a load deep down that are hiding. But it's a good reason to put the price up, and it means a load of people will have haddock. They should tell people they're running out of all sorts. Make 'em panic a bit.
Karl Pilkington -
And we've got a toaster and everything. So there is no reason for the wedding.
Karl Pilkington -
I was impressed by the Taj Mahal. A good bit of work, well looked after, worth paying money to see.
Karl Pilkington -
I've never won many awards, I didn't get certificates for swimming or anything.
Karl Pilkington
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A slug is always on its own. It's a lonely insect.
Karl Pilkington -
Being honest with you, it's not the 'great' wall of China. It's an all right wall. It's the 'All Right Wall of China.'
Karl Pilkington -
Who'd have thought the Frisbee would have caught on?
Karl Pilkington -
Yesterday, I did some painting then went out to buy an onion and came home and watched 'University Challenge.' The onion was probably the highlight.
Karl Pilkington -
I really can't believe what a state the Pyramids are in. I thought they had flat rendered sides, but when you get up close, you see how they are just giant boulders balanced on top of each other, like a massive game of Jenga that has got out of hand.
Karl Pilkington -
If you sit in a bath of pineapple chunks, it can kill you. That's well documented.
Karl Pilkington
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I drive a car, like an adult. Not brilliantly. I'm not great.
Karl Pilkington -
People always tell me I'm going to regret not having kids. But what if I have one and then I regret having it? Has anyone thought of that option?
Karl Pilkington -
It's like there's some unwritten rule that if you're mates, you can say what you want to each other, and you don't really get that annoyed about it.
Karl Pilkington -
It's not easy keeping a diary. You have to be pretty committed.
Karl Pilkington -
The other day I was thinking - because I get a lot of headaches - I was wondering whether the head should be where it is. Because, at the end of the day, it's probably the heaviest part of your body, right? And yet it's at the top as opposed to, I don't, dangling at the bottom somewhere.
Karl Pilkington -
Parrots have gone a bit quiet since pirates have gone.
Karl Pilkington
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I've never worried about life's big questions.
Karl Pilkington -
When I go on holiday and people ask me what I do, I tell them I do some internet stuff and I've done a couple of books and I hope they just leave it at that.
Karl Pilkington -
I've done some luxury flying, which is brilliant. It has only happened once or twice, but it was nice because flying is the worst part of the holiday. But then again, if the plane crashes, you're still dead. For that much money I'd want a little capsule that whizzed me off to safety if it was going to crash.
Karl Pilkington -
I'm not that lazy, but I don't need that much money. I lead a fairly simple life.
Karl Pilkington