Karl Pilkington Quotes
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Yesterday, I did some painting then went out to buy an onion and came home and watched 'University Challenge.' The onion was probably the highlight.
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It's like there's some unwritten rule that if you're mates, you can say what you want to each other, and you don't really get that annoyed about it.
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I don't know what I'm meant to do. I'm not important, am I? I'm not doing anything that makes a difference.
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Who'd have thought the Frisbee would have caught on?
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Me mum used to always have the radio on – even now she has it on in every room. Me girlfriend sort of blames that reason for me not doing that well at school – constant noise, really.
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The other day I was thinking - because I get a lot of headaches - I was wondering whether the head should be where it is. Because, at the end of the day, it's probably the heaviest part of your body, right? And yet it's at the top as opposed to, I don't, dangling at the bottom somewhere.
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I've never won many awards, I didn't get certificates for swimming or anything.
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We'll all die out eventually. Humans will be gone. And all I'm saying is, when people worry about polar bears disappearing or whatever, it's like, 'Well that's life, things will come and go, we'll find new species.'
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I really can't believe what a state the Pyramids are in. I thought they had flat rendered sides, but when you get up close, you see how they are just giant boulders balanced on top of each other, like a massive game of Jenga that has got out of hand.
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And we've got a toaster and everything. So there is no reason for the wedding.
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I drive a car, like an adult. Not brilliantly. I'm not great.
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I am into nature and seeing whales. I went whale-watching, and I was really looking forward to that, but when you see it on TV and you see other programs do it, you're seeing close-ups of these massive creatures, and the music that's added gives you a certain feeling.
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I was impressed by the Taj Mahal. A good bit of work, well looked after, worth paying money to see.
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I'm not that lazy, but I don't need that much money. I lead a fairly simple life.
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I sometimes wonder how we're short of cod. There's gonna be a load deep down that are hiding. But it's a good reason to put the price up, and it means a load of people will have haddock. They should tell people they're running out of all sorts. Make 'em panic a bit.
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I've never worried about life's big questions.
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People always tell me I'm going to regret not having kids. But what if I have one and then I regret having it? Has anyone thought of that option?
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I've done some luxury flying, which is brilliant. It has only happened once or twice, but it was nice because flying is the worst part of the holiday. But then again, if the plane crashes, you're still dead. For that much money I'd want a little capsule that whizzed me off to safety if it was going to crash.
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If you sit in a bath of pineapple chunks, it can kill you. That's well documented.
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Sometimes you can know too much. A lot of brainy people like Stephen Fry are quite depressive.
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Being honest with you, it's not the 'great' wall of China. It's an all right wall. It's the 'All Right Wall of China.'
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A slug is always on its own. It's a lonely insect.
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They say it all started out with a big bang. But, what I wonder is, was it a big bang or did it just seem big because there wasn't anything else drown it out at the time?
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Comedy's really subjective, you know.