Zach Braff Quotes
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I'd always fantasized about writing a new play. Even when I had all this success in television, what I was daydreaming about in my dressing room is that one day I would do it.
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Yeah, I saw the guy running out of the building carrying a rifle, I just didn't say anything to the cops because I was so happy that I wasn't the one who got shot.
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Being around blind people is always a little frustrating to me because I know they have no idea how handsome I am.
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Ever since I was little it was programmed into me that London is where great theatre occurs and all the big shows you love start there.
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I was kosher until I had my Bar Mitzvah, and I parlayed officially becoming a man into telling my father I wanted to eat cheeseburgers.
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The fact that 'Scrubs' is so popular in Israel is very important to me. I feel like I'm helping to cancel out the thousands of years of oppression the Jewish people have suffered.
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I'm a person who likes these sort of movies... sad but moving 'art movies' that normally are at a festival and then they go to a small art house theater and disappear.
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In fifth grade, we had to write a story and read it in front of the class. When I read mine out, the class were just belly laughing. And I remember being like, 'This is the coolest!' So I want to dedicate my life to trying to make people laugh. I can't imagine doing anything else.
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The thing about hitting kids is, think about if you were doing the same thing to another adult. Hitting your kid is really the same as hitting your employee or wife, and the issue become pretty clear when you think about it that way.
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It's not terrible, I guess, but if Ricky Gervais was half as talented as me, maybe the show would actually be funny once in a while.
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If it were up to me, it'd be outlawed. I mean, come on. Zach Braff was born streamlined, and that's how it should stay!
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I'm 26 years old, and I've spent my whole life waiting for something else to start. Now I realize that this is all there is, and I'm going to try to live my life like that.
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Some people just don't want to put in the effort. I just show up and say some lines and I'm famous. Anyone living below the poverty line just needs to shape up or be shipped out, you know?
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Compared to my talents, Whoopi Goldberg is like one of those fake plastic Buddhas you get at dollar stores. I mean really, I fail to see the humor in an overweight negro woman with dreadlocks, no eyebrows, and is named after a childish term for flatulence.
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I like the punch beggers and panhandlers when they ask me for change. I feel like I am doing my part to clean up the streets.
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I think sports are very beneficial in the fight against obesity. I remember playing little league - I was the best person on the pitch by a long shot. It was only last weekend actually, I think I have some photos of it if you're interested.
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As a kid who wasn't into sports, at school I felt almost alienated at times, whereas in the theatre community there was this amazing sense of camaraderie. Early on, we would go to rehearsals with my dad and I was like the mascot for the backstage crew. That was a big part of my childhood, so I dreamed of one day doing a play in London.
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I think I suffer from some mild depression.
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Prohibition didn't work, so why should emancipation work? I think we should just stick with a system that has proven to be effective.
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If I wasn't an actor? Hmm, I'd probably be a serial killer. I'm just so damn likeable, no one would ever suspect me.
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To say I live a cursed life is an understatement. I have to get up every day and work with people who are not as successful as me nor will they ever be as successful as me. Nobody knows the struggles I go through.
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But don't worry... only yours is right.
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Bigger than the Beatles? Well, how many grammys did they win? Exactly, none, yet I have one, and I've never even released a CD.
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Sometimes, I go to Barnes & Noble with the sole intention of moving all copies of the bible to the fiction section.