P. J. O'Rourke Quotes
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People with a mission to save the earth want the earth to seem worse than it is so their mission will look more important.
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I try to ONLY ridicule people who's efforts are sincere. Very little trouble has been caused in the world by insincere efforts. An occasional seduction maybe. There were very few insincere Stalinists or Nazis.
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I've always figured that if God wanted us to go to church a lot He'd have given us bigger behinds to sit on and smaller heads to think with.
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In thirteen years, every aspect of the universe can change - ask a thirteen-year-old.
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In the past a man was expected to give his seat on a bus to a woman. Today it would be much more courteous for that man to give her his job.
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The motorcycle is a device created by the team of God and Darwin to rid the world of useless young males.
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Neither conservatives nor humorists believe man is good. But left-wingers do.
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Italy is not technically part of the Third World, but no one has told the Italians.
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There are lots of levels of fear and complaint about the government getting involved in business. First and foremost, of course, is incompetence.
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Industrialization came to England but has since left.
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In Japan people drive on the left. In China people drive on the right. In Vietnam it doesn't matter.
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I've never been able to get it straight about what these people who are worried about the trade deficit are worried about.
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The U.S. Constitution is less than a quarter the length of the owner's manual for a 1998 Toyota Camry, and yet it has managed to keep 300 million of the world's most unruly, passionate and
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In the end we beat them with Levi's 501 jeans. Seventy-two years of communist indoctrination and propaganda was drowned out by a three-ounce Sony Walkman. A huge totalitarian system...has been brought to its knees because nobody wants to wear Bulgarian shoes. Now they're lunch, and we're number one on the planet.
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There’s a whiff of the lynch mob or the lemming migration about any overlarge concentration of like-thinking individuals, no matter how virtuous their cause.
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I live in rural New Hampshire, and we are, frankly, short on people who are black, gay, Jewish, and Hispanic. In fact, we're short on people. My town has a population of 301.
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How much fame, money and power does a woman have to achieve on her own before you can punch her in the face?
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You can always reason with a German. You can always reason with a barnyard animal, too, for all the good it does.
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Nothing bad is going to happen to us. If we get fired, it's not failure; its a midlife vocational reassessment.
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We won't dispassionately investigate or rationally debate which drugs do what damage and whether or how much of that damage is the result of criminalization. We'd rather work ourselves into a screaming fit of puritanism and then go home and take a pill.
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Michael O'Donoghue was a very close friend of mine - very encouraging with my stuff, and really a great guy - but he was a no-kidding difficult person.
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With the war in Iraq, I had the cooperation of the Department of Defense. Kuwait was pretty eager to get American journalists in there, to show us what a wonderful place they are, and what great allies they are to America, even though they didn't actually fight in the war.
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If I give up drinking, smoking, and fatty foods, I can add ten years to my life. Trouble is, I'll add it to the wrong end.
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Summing it Up..."Where's a good place for dinner?" I asked. "There's the Brasserie Lipp on the Avenue St. Germaine," she said, "or La Coupole in Montmartre." "Not La Coupole," I said. "I've been there before. That's the place that's crowded and noisy and smells bad and everybody's rude as hell, isn't it?" "I think you just described France," she said.