P. J. O'Rourke Quotes
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I live in rural New Hampshire, and we are, frankly, short on people who are black, gay, Jewish, and Hispanic. In fact, we're short on people. My town has a population of 301.
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Wherever there's injustice, oppression, and suffering, America will show up six months late and bomb the country next to where it's happening.
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Neither conservatives nor humorists believe man is good. But left-wingers do.
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I suspect the Haitian Ministry of Health's principal contribution to health in Haiti is providing nice, healthy jobs to those Haitians with the connection to get them.
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One thing that's certain about going outdoors: When you come back inside, you'll be scratching.
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I try to ONLY ridicule people who's efforts are sincere. Very little trouble has been caused in the world by insincere efforts. An occasional seduction maybe. There were very few insincere Stalinists or Nazis.
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A charity ball is like a dance except it's tax deductible.
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Nothing bad is going to happen to us. If we get fired, it's not failure; its a midlife vocational reassessment.
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In the end we beat them with Levi's 501 jeans. Seventy-two years of communist indoctrination and propaganda was drowned out by a three-ounce Sony Walkman. A huge totalitarian system...has been brought to its knees because nobody wants to wear Bulgarian shoes. Now they're lunch, and we're number one on the planet.
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I can think of a number of areas in New York where three acres of nuclear waste would make the neighborhood safer to walk around in than it is now, and better lit.
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People with a mission to save the earth want the earth to seem worse than it is so their mission will look more important.
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I've never been able to get it straight about what these people who are worried about the trade deficit are worried about.
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It takes a lot of weapons to do good works (as Richard the Lionhearted could have told us). And this is not just a Somali problem. We have poverty and deprivation in our own country. Try standing unarmed on a street corner in Compton handing out twenty-dollar bills and see how long you last.
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The French are sawed-off sissies who eat snails and slugs and cheese that smells like people's feet. Utter cowards who force their own children to drink wine, they gibber like baboons even when you try to speak to them in their own wimpy language.
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Global warming is a fact. Now it's up to liberals to make it a reality. Hence there is crucial importance in preventing powerful, greedy free market forces from getting in the way of worsening storms and rising sea levels. The Kyoto Accord is a good first step.
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In Japan people drive on the left. In China people drive on the right. In Vietnam it doesn't matter.
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In thirteen years, every aspect of the universe can change - ask a thirteen-year-old.
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Politics should be limited in scope to ware, protection of property, and the occasional precautionary beheading of a member of the ruling class.
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The typical old-fashioned diet was so bad it almost resembled modern dieting.
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The Tenth Commandment sends a message to socialists, to egalitarians, to people obsessed with fairness, to American presidential candidates in the year 2000 - to everyone who believes that wealth should be redistributed. And that message is clear and concise: Go to Hell.
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There are lots of levels of fear and complaint about the government getting involved in business. First and foremost, of course, is incompetence.
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Summing it Up..."Where's a good place for dinner?" I asked. "There's the Brasserie Lipp on the Avenue St. Germaine," she said, "or La Coupole in Montmartre." "Not La Coupole," I said. "I've been there before. That's the place that's crowded and noisy and smells bad and everybody's rude as hell, isn't it?" "I think you just described France," she said.
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Cockfighting has always been my idea of a great sport- two armed entrées battling to see who'll be dinner.
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Man has been breeding livestock for ten thousand years and has yet to come up with a monstrous sheep that can trample buildings and graze a whole golf course for breakfast.