Finley Peter Dunne Quotes
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A lie with a purpose is one of the worst kind, and the most profitable.
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Comfort the afflicted, and afflict the comfortable.
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There are no friends at cards or world politics.
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There ain't any news in being good. You might write the doings of all the convents of the world on the back of a postage stamp, and have room to spare.
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Vice is a creature of such hideous mien... that the more you see it the better you like it.
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Trust everybody, but cut the cards.
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Alcohol is necessary for a man so that he can have a good opinion of himself, undisturbed be the facts.
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The only good husbands stay bachelors: They're too considerate to get married.
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It don't make much difference what you study, so long as you don't like it.
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An appeal is when you ask one court to show its contempt for another court.
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No matter whether the Constitution follows the flag or not, the Supreme Court follows the election returns.
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Most vegetarians look so much like the food they eat that they can be classified as cannibals.
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Don't jump on a man unless he is down.
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A fanatic is a man that does what he thinks the Lord would do if He knew the facts of the case.
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Continued focus on (employee) turnover is of critical importance, because of the direct relation of turnover to improvements in labor costs and guest satisfaction.
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If Christian scientists had more science and doctors more Christianity, it wouldn't make any difference which you called in - if you had a good nurse.
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The world is not growing worse and it is not growing better - it is just turning around as usual.
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A man never becomes an orator if he has anything to say.
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In England a man is presoomed to be innocent till he's proved guilty an' they take it f 'r granted he's guilty. In this counthry a man is presoomed to be guilty ontil he's proved guilty an' afther that he's presoomed to be innocent.
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Sure, politics ain't bean-bag. 'Tis a man's game, an' women, childer, cripples an' prohybitionists 'd do well to keep out iv it.
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The past always looks better than it was. It's only pleasant because it isn't here.
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One of the strangest things about life is that the poor, who need the money the most, are the ones that never have it.
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Th’ dead ar-re always pop’lar. I knowed a society wanst to vote a monyment to a man an’ refuse to help his fam’ly, all in wan night.
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There's always wan encouragin' thing about th' sad scientific facts that come out ivrv week in th' pa-apers. They're usually not thrue.