Chris Rock Quotes
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When I do stand-up, I'm basically doing a one-man show.
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If I find a comedy club where no one's camera works, I'll go.
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I realized with Broadway everything written for black people is usually written in the past, and I'm kind of a contemporary guy. I don't think you want to see me in 'Raisin in the Sun'.
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By the time I was 7 or 8, I wanted to be a comedy writer.
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I was bused to a school in Gerritsen Beach in Brooklyn in 1972. I was one of the first black kids in the history of the school.
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Yeah, I love being famous. It's almost like being white, y'know?
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If a woman tells you she's twenty and looks sixteen, she's twelve. If she tells you she's twenty-six and looks twenty-six, she's damn near fourty.
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Men lie the most. Men lie all the time.
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I love what's happened to me, but when I was a kid, I wanted to be the president of the United States.
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Black people dominate sports in the United States. 20% of the population and 90% of the final four.
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I'm severely overrated. I'm just above a hack. That should be the name of my new DVD: 'Chris Rock: Slightly Above Hack'.
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The thing that surprised me the most is just how much money women that weren't rich were paying for their hair. When you're in a beauty parlor in Harlem next to abandoned buildings and somebody's paying five grand for a weave, that's a bit much.
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I don't get high, but sometimes I wish I did. That way, when I messed up in life I would have an excuse. But right now there's no rehab for stupidity.
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Black people have been qualified to be president for hundreds of years. George Washington Carver could have been president. I could go on with a list of black men that were qualified to be the president of the United States. So the Obama victory is progress for white people.
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Music is the soundtrack to the crappy movie that is my life.
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Every town has the same two malls: the one white people go to and the one white people used to go to.
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Being with my kids is the best, most fun thing; it's a privilege.
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Anything you can suck at should make you nervous.
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Every now and then I'm in a situation where someone doesn't recognize me, and I experience racism. Things like not being buzzed into a store or sitting in first class on a plane and having someone ask to see my ticket four times.
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You don't need a critic to tell you people aren't laughing.
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Funny is only something that others know about you - you can't be funny by yourself.
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I don't believe I can offend you in a comedy club. I don't believe I can offend you in a concert. A comedy club is a place where you work out material; you're trying material.
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A white boy that makes C's in college can make it to the White House.
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America is the greatest country in the whole world.