Chris Rock Quotes
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Anything you can suck at should make you nervous.
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I'm severely overrated. I'm just above a hack. That should be the name of my new DVD: 'Chris Rock: Slightly Above Hack'.
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You don't need a critic to tell you people aren't laughing.
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There are only three things women need in life: food, water, and compliments.
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Comedy is a group activity, a verbal orgy.
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President of the United States is you know, our boss, so you know, the President and the First Lady are kinda like the Mom and the Dad of the country. And when your Dad says something you listen.
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Right now, my job is that I'm like an ambulance chaser. I've got to look for movies with white guys falling out of them.
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Gay people got a right to be as miserable as everybody else.
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Charlie Brown is the one person I identify with. C.B. is such a loser. He wasn't even the star of his own Halloween special.
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A white boy that makes C's in college can make it to the White House.
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Who's judging American Idol? Paula Abdul? Paula Abdul judging a singing contest is like Christopher Reeve judging a dance contest!
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Anything I say about women, I try to make sure that at least five or six friends of mine are going through a similar situation. That way I'm not picking on my wife.
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Show me one guy or woman as funny as Rodney Dangerfield or as good as George Carlin, Richard Pryor, Bill Cosby, or Joan Rivers. There are a lot of good comics out there, no doubt, but as far as the quality of the comics goes, I think what you have is a bunch of situational comics.
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Every now and then I'm in a situation where someone doesn't recognize me, and I experience racism. Things like not being buzzed into a store or sitting in first class on a plane and having someone ask to see my ticket four times.
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Hollywood's just not funny.
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Funny is only something that others know about you - you can't be funny by yourself.
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Gun control? We need bullet control! I think every bullet should cost 5,000 dollars. Because if a bullet cost five thousand dollar, we wouldn't have any innocent bystanders.
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Comedians tend to find a comfort zone and stay there and do lamer versions of themselves for the rest of their career.
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Do you know what the good side of crack is? If you're up at the right hour, you can get a VCR for $1.50. You can furnish your whole house for $10.95.
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When I started out in comedy, it was common knowledge that it took about 10 years to get good. And that was okay because it took you about 9 years to get on television.