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I can't cook, but I have a nice book of menus... and I can plate and set the table.
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Kids always act up the most before they go to sleep.
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A sense of humor is great - it goes a long, long way in a marriage.
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My movies are okay, but they're not my specials.
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I'm severely overrated. I'm just above a hack.
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There's some downsides to being famous, which are not even worth mentioning. But to combat the bad sides of being famous, you really should take advantage of the good sides. The good sides are, you can use that fame to get projects you might not normally get.
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I'll go back to comedy clubs when they get a real no-camera policy, the same way they did with smoking.
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When I hear people talk about juggling, or the sacrifices they make for their children, I look at them like they're crazy, because 'sacrifice' infers that there was something better to do than being with your children.
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Anything I say about women, I try to make sure that at least five or six friends of mine are going through a similar situation. That way I'm not picking on my wife.
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I'm an independent, but I got to admit I lean Democratic.
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Bill Cosby was the first comedian I was exposed to, because he doesn't curse.
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Welcome to the 77th and last Oscars.
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School shootings were invented by blacks... and stolen by the white man.
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If you properly clean a room, it gets dirtier before it gets cleaner.