Chris Rock Quotes
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Most parts in comedy, they're not really written for men. They're written for, like, these boy-men.
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Right now, my job is that I'm like an ambulance chaser. I've got to look for movies with white guys falling out of them.
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You can write a great country record and still be angry. Who's angrier than Toby Keith? He's angrier than the average 10 rappers.
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Movies have takes. But plays are like life - you don't really get takes.
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I used to hang out with grandfather all the time because he used to pick me up from school sometimes, or drive me to my mother's, so I'd be with my grandfather a lot. I used to watch him write his sermons.
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My first year on 'SNL', I made $90,000 dollars. And I bought a red Corvette for $45,000 dollars. I'm thinking, 'I've got 45 grand left!' Taxes didn't even come into my equation. At the end of the first year of making 90 grand I was 25, 30 in the hole. We live in this baller, spend-money culture.
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I love being famous. It's almost like being white.
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You can only offend me if you mean something to me.
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My goal in life was to host the MTV Awards, because it's the awards show that Prince sang on, and that was the awards show that Eddie Murphy hosted and Arsenio hosted.
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Gun control? We need bullet control! I think every bullet should cost 5,000 dollars. Because if a bullet cost five thousand dollar, we wouldn't have any innocent bystanders.
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I kind of keep my personality in my pocket a lot. When I start to do stand-up, that's not my true personality either. It's the personality of a guy who hasn't been able to say what he wanted to say.
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I'm a big fan of Katt Williams, Jim Gaffigan, Louie CK, Margaret Cho, Kathy Griffin, Rich Vas, Joey Vega and Matt Claybrooks.
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Dude, I didn't say Jude Law can't act. I didn't say Jude Law was in bad movies. I just said he's in every movie.
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Jokes rot. They're not like songs. I always envy singers - Sting is always going to sing 'Roxanne'. But people want to hear new jokes. I've written jokes as good as 'Roxanne', I believe. But I can't tell them again.
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I live in a neighborhood so bad that you can get shot while getting shot.
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I'm never proper or careful, but I never curse in front of my mother, either.
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There's some downsides to being famous, which are not even worth mentioning. But to combat the bad sides of being famous, you really should take advantage of the good sides. The good sides are, you can use that fame to get projects you might not normally get.
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I've seen women who don't have great relationships with their dads, and it all comes down to this: You have to tell girls you love them every day.
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Sometimes people offer you plays, they offer you parts, but they only offer it because I'm famous.
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Here's what I knew about doing a play: I knew it would make me a better actor.
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Bill Cosby was the first comedian I was exposed to, because he doesn't curse.
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Now that I have children, I realize taking care of my children is more fun than anything in the whole world.
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When I hear people talk about juggling, or the sacrifices they make for their children, I look at them like they're crazy, because 'sacrifice' infers that there was something better to do than being with your children.
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No film critic's going to say it, but 'Madagascar 3' is better than 'The Artist.'