Chris Rock Quotes
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There are only three things women need in life: food, water, and compliments.
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I'd like to be in a Spike Jonze movie. But I live in a Nancy Meyers movie.
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Gun control? We need bullet control! I think every bullet should cost 5,000 dollars. Because if a bullet cost five thousand dollar, we wouldn't have any innocent bystanders.
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I'm a big fan of Katt Williams, Jim Gaffigan, Louie CK, Margaret Cho, Kathy Griffin, Rich Vas, Joey Vega and Matt Claybrooks.
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I kind of keep my personality in my pocket a lot. When I start to do stand-up, that's not my true personality either. It's the personality of a guy who hasn't been able to say what he wanted to say.
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My goal in life was to host the MTV Awards, because it's the awards show that Prince sang on, and that was the awards show that Eddie Murphy hosted and Arsenio hosted.
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I'm in show business... I want to hang out with Janet Jackson, not Jesse Jackson.
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Comedians tend to find a comfort zone and stay there and do lamer versions of themselves for the rest of their career.
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Here's what I knew about doing a play: I knew it would make me a better actor.
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Anything I say about women, I try to make sure that at least five or six friends of mine are going through a similar situation. That way I'm not picking on my wife.
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Jokes rot. They're not like songs. I always envy singers - Sting is always going to sing 'Roxanne'. But people want to hear new jokes. I've written jokes as good as 'Roxanne', I believe. But I can't tell them again.
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I live in a neighborhood so bad that you can get shot while getting shot.
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Most parts in comedy, they're not really written for men. They're written for, like, these boy-men.
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You can only offend me if you mean something to me.
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I've seen women who don't have great relationships with their dads, and it all comes down to this: You have to tell girls you love them every day.
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Sometimes people offer you plays, they offer you parts, but they only offer it because I'm famous.
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Dude, I didn't say Jude Law can't act. I didn't say Jude Law was in bad movies. I just said he's in every movie.
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A comedy club is a place where you work out material, you're trying material.
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I love being famous. It's almost like being white.
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I'm severely overrated. I'm just above a hack.
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My movies are okay, but they're not my specials.
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Now that I have children, I realize taking care of my children is more fun than anything in the whole world.
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A sense of humor is great - it goes a long, long way in a marriage.
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Karaoke isn't fair when you're a comedian. The whole idea is to get people laughing and enjoying themselves, and I'm a professional funny guy.