Chris Rock Quotes
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Hollywood's just not funny.
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My goal in life was to host the MTV Awards, because it's the awards show that Prince sang on, and that was the awards show that Eddie Murphy hosted and Arsenio hosted.
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Sometimes people offer you plays, they offer you parts, but they only offer it because I'm famous.
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Movies have takes. But plays are like life - you don't really get takes.
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Most parts in comedy, they're not really written for men. They're written for, like, these boy-men.
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There are only three things women need in life: food, water, and compliments.
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Only married people understand you can be miserable and happy at the same time.
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Here's what I knew about doing a play: I knew it would make me a better actor.
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Pretty girls have problems too.
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A comedy club is a place where you work out material, you're trying material.
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Does having a wife and kids change your act? Yes, but only in the best way. It gives you weight and authority. It also makes you closer to the audience because the audience is married and has kids.
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I'm in show business... I want to hang out with Janet Jackson, not Jesse Jackson.
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I can't cook, but I have a nice book of menus... and I can plate and set the table.
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I've seen women who don't have great relationships with their dads, and it all comes down to this: You have to tell girls you love them every day.
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A sense of humor is great - it goes a long, long way in a marriage.
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No film critic's going to say it, but 'Madagascar 3' is better than 'The Artist.'
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I'm a big fan of Katt Williams, Jim Gaffigan, Louie CK, Margaret Cho, Kathy Griffin, Rich Vas, Joey Vega and Matt Claybrooks.
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Now that I have children, I realize taking care of my children is more fun than anything in the whole world.
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Gun control? We need bullet control! I think every bullet should cost 5,000 dollars. Because if a bullet cost five thousand dollar, we wouldn't have any innocent bystanders.
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When I hear people talk about juggling, or the sacrifices they make for their children, I look at them like they're crazy, because 'sacrifice' infers that there was something better to do than being with your children.
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It's like, hmm, there's people with $2000 weaves that could have bought health care with that weave money. They don't have insurance. People want what they want. And I guess that is a reason we have this big credit card problem and a lot of these foreclosures.
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Right now, my job is that I'm like an ambulance chaser. I've got to look for movies with white guys falling out of them.
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There's some downsides to being famous, which are not even worth mentioning. But to combat the bad sides of being famous, you really should take advantage of the good sides. The good sides are, you can use that fame to get projects you might not normally get.
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Karaoke isn't fair when you're a comedian. The whole idea is to get people laughing and enjoying themselves, and I'm a professional funny guy.