Chris Rock Quotes
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Comedians tend to find a comfort zone and stay there and do lamer versions of themselves for the rest of their career.
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I kind of keep my personality in my pocket a lot. When I start to do stand-up, that's not my true personality either. It's the personality of a guy who hasn't been able to say what he wanted to say.
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Only married people understand you can be miserable and happy at the same time.
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You can only offend me if you mean something to me.
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I've seen women who don't have great relationships with their dads, and it all comes down to this: You have to tell girls you love them every day.
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Jokes rot. They're not like songs. I always envy singers - Sting is always going to sing 'Roxanne'. But people want to hear new jokes. I've written jokes as good as 'Roxanne', I believe. But I can't tell them again.
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I'm in show business... I want to hang out with Janet Jackson, not Jesse Jackson.
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I'm a big fan of Katt Williams, Jim Gaffigan, Louie CK, Margaret Cho, Kathy Griffin, Rich Vas, Joey Vega and Matt Claybrooks.
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I live in a neighborhood so bad that you can get shot while getting shot.
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Most parts in comedy, they're not really written for men. They're written for, like, these boy-men.
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Gun control? We need bullet control! I think every bullet should cost 5,000 dollars. Because if a bullet cost five thousand dollar, we wouldn't have any innocent bystanders.
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There are only three things women need in life: food, water, and compliments.
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Here's what I knew about doing a play: I knew it would make me a better actor.
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Dude, I didn't say Jude Law can't act. I didn't say Jude Law was in bad movies. I just said he's in every movie.
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Sometimes people offer you plays, they offer you parts, but they only offer it because I'm famous.
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My goal in life was to host the MTV Awards, because it's the awards show that Prince sang on, and that was the awards show that Eddie Murphy hosted and Arsenio hosted.
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A comedy club is a place where you work out material, you're trying material.
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Now that I have children, I realize taking care of my children is more fun than anything in the whole world.
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No film critic's going to say it, but 'Madagascar 3' is better than 'The Artist.'
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Karaoke isn't fair when you're a comedian. The whole idea is to get people laughing and enjoying themselves, and I'm a professional funny guy.
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I love being famous. It's almost like being white.
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Kids always act up the most before they go to sleep.
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It's like, hmm, there's people with $2000 weaves that could have bought health care with that weave money. They don't have insurance. People want what they want. And I guess that is a reason we have this big credit card problem and a lot of these foreclosures.
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Does having a wife and kids change your act? Yes, but only in the best way. It gives you weight and authority. It also makes you closer to the audience because the audience is married and has kids.