Chelsea Handler Quotes
Quotes to Explore
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People are wiser than we are willing to attribute to them.
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What's great about stand-up is that you can say whatever you want and go around the country, and sometimes the world, and work on it and see how people react. You don't need Standards & Practices or notes from lawyers or producers to tell you what's funny.
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What gets people into trouble with records now is that they want to build something up without substantial musical ideas. Without that as a foundation, you can add all the layers of sound you want - it's still going to sound like a mess.
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I'm a believer in trusting the director.
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I worked as a telemarketer for an SAT-prep company. That was the worst of it, because I had to call people in post-Katrina New Orleans and offer them this very, very expensive SAT class. And I'm not even a good salesman.
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Whenever you have dynamic interactions between 300 million people and the American economy acting in really complex ways, that introduces a degree of almost chaos theory to the system, in a literal sense.
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Murderers, in general, are people who are consistent, people who are obsessed with one idea and nothing else.
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The economic dynamic in Zimbabwe is perversely robust: while ordinary people suffer, black-market dealers and people with foreign bank accounts prosper, making them powerful stakeholders in the perpetuation of devastating economic policies.
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I remember in the '80s, Randy Travis was my guy. He's the reason I moved to Nashville, and I just loved him. But at some point when he was winning everything, you find yourself pulling for other people.
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We saw very little of the real Jack Buck behind the microphone. He would touch people in ways that we will never know. Jack was much more than just an announcer.
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I'm being mocked because I don't live up to a socially determined view of what other people think a person should look like.
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I've met Michael Keaton, John Favreau, Marisa Tomei - they're all really amazing people and really, really professional. I've learned so much from just watching them operate on set.
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To have a relationship that is pure and passionate and beautiful - I think people are scared of having that now. Especially guys.
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I didn't grow up around all white people; I never wanted to gentrify hip-hop, I've never wanted to speak to an all-white audience.
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I don't have any hobbies. You know, I'm very embarrassed when people ask me what are my hobbies; I don't have any hobbies. I mean, it's just enough to keep up with the things I'm trying to solve.
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I love mispronunciations. I love when people mispronounce things.
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There's always a wine bully. The one person who did read the 'Wine Spectator,' who tells you what to drink and why the '97 is better than the '98. I want to punch the wine bully in the face. I want to make sure this generation of wine drinkers isn't elitist and snotty. I want it to be about family and bringing people together.
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The question of likability is a bit of a puzzler for me. You know, I don't write people with likability in mind. It's more whether or not I find them compelling.
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Our world is one of terrible contradictions. Plenty of food but one billion people go hungry. Lavish lifestyles for a few, but poverty for too many others. Huge advances in medicine while mothers die everyday in childbirth . . . Billions spent on weapons to kill people instead of keeping them safe.
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It's a great thing if you're a creative person and have some kind of acting or dance or singing, any art. I think it's great to be around people who support that and who are into it like you are, and you can have one big family and teachers who know what they're doing.
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I don't think it's going to pass. It's going too far. When people in the stands can see you've made a bad call, you don't want to keep showing it.
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I catch myself every once in a while doing that weird thing that I see famous people do, where they have sunglasses and hats on and grow out beards thinking that they're fooling people. Dude, you're not fooling anyone: you look just like you.
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Writing songs has a therapeutic effect, and it either kills off love or wins the heart of the lover.
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I'm a standup comedian, so I need people.
