Bill Maher Quotes
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I thought this election was an adult discussion on how best to protect ourselves in the face of terrorism, but apparently it was a referendum on boys kissing. I didn't know that, nobody.. told me that. But when homophobia trumps terrorism in America, wow. This country needs to get laid.
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I am so tired of rearranging my life around what the stupidest people might do.
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… even scarier is why people have stopped thinking global warming is real. One major reason, pollsters say, is, 'we had a very cold, snowy winter'. Which is like saying the sun might not be real because last night it got dark.
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I do think the patriotic thing to do is to critique my country. How else do you make a country better but by pointing out its flaws?
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I'll clue you in on a secret: death is not the worst thing that could happen to you. I know we think that; we are the first society ever to think that. It's not worse than dishonor; it's not worse than losing your freedom; its not worse than losing a sense of personal responsibility.
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I'm supposed to be all re-injected with yes-we-can fever after the big health care speech, and it was a great speech - when Black Elvis gets jiggy with his teleprompter, there is none better. But here's the thing: Muhammad Ali also had a way with words, but it helped enormously that he could also punch guys in the face.
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If you belonged to a political party or a social club that was tied to as much bigotry, misogyny, homophobia, violence, and sheer ignorance as religion is, you'd resign in protest.
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Religion is dangerous because it allows human beings who don't have all the answers to think that they do.
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Isn't he Bush the worst president ever? I mean, when his term is over, he has to walk back to Texas.
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We have been the cowards lobbing cruise missiles from 2,000 miles away. That's cowardly. Staying in the airplane when it hits the building, say what you want about it, it's not cowardly.
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By now you've heard the constant right wing attacks on the elite media and the liberal elite, who may or may not be part of Washington elite, a subset of the East Coast elite, which is overtly influenced by the Hollywood elite. So, basically, unless you're a shit-kicker from Kansas, you're with the terrorists.
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Please stop assuming that longevity and perfect health is always the correct option. No. Sometimes fun costs ya. It just does, you know? And that's OK, you're willing to make that purchase. Sammy Davis, Jr. was 64 when he died. Give me 64 Sammy-years, I'll be happy.
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Work in the fields? Senator, I'm a house nigga.
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Rudy Giuliani's first wife was his cousin. Did you know this? I think that's a very cheap way to go after the Southern vote.
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What Democratic congressmen do to their women staffers, Republican congressmen do to the country.
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If you think you have it tough, read history books.
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The country has become much more conservative, partly because it's been taken over by the religious right.
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You know, if you're an American and you're born at this time in history especially, you're lucky. We all are. We won the world history Powerball lottery, but a little modesty about it might keep the heat off of us. I can't stand the people who say things like, 'We built this country!' You built nothing. I think the railroads were pretty much up by 1980.
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I think capital punishment works great. Every killer you kill never kills again.
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Fame has sent a number of celebrities off the deep end, and in the case of Michael Jackson, to the kiddy pool.
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Government - they used to teach it in college. It's actually something you should study and learn and know how to do. The Republicans always run on the idea that government isn't very effective. Well, not the way you do it. But it can be effective.
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It's very sad how in the information age you cannot get information into people's heads. As long as you write something on the internet and do not add LOL - it is true. 'I'm not sure he's a Christian' - I'm not sure he's a mammal, Jay. He could be a werewolf.
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President Bush is supporting Arnold but a lot of Republicans are not, because he is actually quite liberal. Karl Rove said if his father wasn't a Nazi, he wouldn't have any credibility with conservatives at all.
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I think we need to change that old saying, 'I don't need a building to fall on me.' Because two did and we still don't get it. I think we all stick our head in the sand as a deep human impulse.