Kurt Vonnegut Quotes
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There is a riddle about a man who is locked in a room with nothing but a bed and a calendar, and the question is: How does he survive?The answer is: He eats dates from the calendar and drinks water from the springs of the bed.
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Here was what Kilgore Trout cried out to me in my father's voice: 'Make me young, make me young, make me young!'
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Mankind, ignorant of the truths that lie withing every human being, looked outward-pushed ever outward. What mankind hoped to learn in its outward push was who was actually in charge of all creation, and what all creation was all about.
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Beer, of course, is actually a depressant. But poor people will never stop hoping otherwise.
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What do men want? They want a lot of pals, and they wish that people wouldn’t get so mad at them.
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Beware of the man who works hard to learn something, learns it, and finds himself no wiser than before.
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Charm was a scheme for making strangers like and trust a person immediately, no matter what the charmer had in mind.
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About astrology and palmistry: they are good because they make people vivid and full of possibilities. They are communism at its best. Everybody has a birthday and almost everybody has a palm.
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The year was 2081, and everyone was finally equal.
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If you want to take my guns away from me, and you’re all for murdering fetuses, and love it when homosexuals marry each other, and want to give them kitchen appliances at their showers, and you’re for the poor, you’re a liberal. If you are against those perversions and for the rich, you’re a conservative. What could be simpler?
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I really wonder what gives us the right to wreck this poor planet of ours.
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People don't come to church for preachments, of course, but to daydream about God.
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You were sick, but now you're well, and there's work to do.
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America's soldiers are being treated … like toys a rich kid got for Christmas.
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Is it possible that seemingly incredible geniuses like Bach and Shakespeare and Einstein were not in fact superhuman, but simply plagiarists, copying great stuff from the future?
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He alienated his friends in the sciences by thanking them extravagantly for scientific advances he had read about in the recent newspapers and magazines, by assuring them, with a perfectly straight face, that life was getting better and better, thanks to scientific thinking.
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When a man becomes a writer, I think he takes on a sacred obligation to produce beauty and enlightenment and comfort at top speed.
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Like most science-fiction writers, Trout knew almost nothing about science.
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Maybe God has let everybody who ever lived be reborn - so he or she can see how it ends. Even Pitecanthropus erectus and Australopithecus and Sinanthropus pekensis and the Neanderthalers are back on Earth - to see how it ends. They're all on Times Square - making change for peepshows. Or recruiting Marines.
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To bethe eyesand earsand conscienceof the Creator of the Universe,you fool.
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During the Vietnam War, Abbie Hoffman announced that the new high was banana peels taken rectally. So then FBI scientists stuffed banana peels up their asses to find out if this was true or not.
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I am of course notoriously hooked on cigarettes. I keep hoping the things will kill me. A fire at one end and a fool at the other.
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Vietnam only made billionaires out of millionaires. Iraq is making trillionaires out of billionaires. Now I call that progress.
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I was taught that the human brain was the crowning glory of evolution so far, but I think it's a very poor scheme for survival.