Don Rickles Quotes
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Many, many years ago, I stood on the stage and told bad jokes and did Sophie Tucker as an impersonation, and nobody looked up; and suddenly, I looked down and said, 'Sir, I'm getting fed up with you. Either you watch, or I'm going to suck your neck,' or words to that effect, and suddenly people started to laugh.
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I'd like to think my performance is today. I never try to - it's so, as you know, watching me, I have a beginning, middle and ending. But every night the show changes and I relate to an audience and I relate to the young people.
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I'm a New Yorker, originally. I was raised in Jackson Heights. I went to P.S. 148 and then Newtown High School. If World War II didn't come, I'd still be there in school. World War II saved me.
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I have a problem, if the light goes on on TV and it blinks midnight, I don't know how to fix it.
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Somehow, in my head, I don't think I'll die. I know that everybody dies, of course. I just think that it'll never come to me. It's crazy, but there it is.
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Honestly, I didn't realize it - all of a sudden, I was 90. The years skipped by quickly. When it happened, I said, 'Where did the time go?'
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It's tough having the last name 'Rickles.' Luckily, my kids handled it great.
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I'm not one of those guys who wants to die on a stage.
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So, I'm on the satellite every Sunday, no matter where we are, with the Rams. Turn on the satellite; got to watch the Rams.
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If I have learned anything, it is to keep my wife happy by sending her lavish gifts. Other men can learn from my success and send their wives and girlfriends fresh flowers for birthdays, anniversaries, and of course, Valentine's Day.
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I shouldn't make fun of the blacks: President Obama is a personal friend of mine. He was over to the house yesterday, but the mop broke.
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When you do comedy, you can't please the world, although I'd like to think that most of my audiences were on my side.
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I was a mother's boy.
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Once in a while, when I'm alone, I think about my age. I think, 'How many more years do I have on this earth?' But I can't really conceive of dying.
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The man I adored, and miss him terribly, was Johnny Carson.
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Italians are fantastic people, really. They can work you over in an alley while singing an opera.
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It's very sweet to have people say nice things about you, and I always accept that.
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My grandchildren just know me now as Mr. Potato Head.
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Among my friends, I'm not a little Boy Scout, and they love my humor, thank God.
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My wife, Barbara, is great. She arranges when I do work that I have a day off between performances.
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You can't study comedy; it's within you. It's a personality. My humor is an attitude.
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Who picks your clothes - Stevie Wonder?
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I like to think I'm like the guy who goes to the office Christmas party Friday night, insults some people, but still has his job Monday morning.
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Smartphones. Who cares? Smartphones. I only have dummy phones.