Don Rickles Quotes
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Asians are nice people, but they burn a lot of shirts.
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I have no idea what I'm going to say when I stand up to give a toast. But I do know that anything I say I find funny.
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I always say, when you're onstage you can't please everybody. I'm sure there are people who may not take to what I do, but that's okay. Thank God the majority are in my corner.
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I've been to Philadelphia a lot of times over the years, playing the old Celebrity Room and most of the other clubs around there that don't exist anymore.
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I don't like to compare myself with anybody.
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I spent two and a half years in the Philippines in World War II.
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I want to be a dog, but I'm a pussycat.
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The man I adored, and miss him terribly, was Johnny Carson.
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I've got an accountant who's been with me forty years. If he makes a mistake, he dies.
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When I'm onstage, I'm acting.
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One thing a comedian does, when you step on the stage, you're selling yourself, and certainly I don't think the whole world can love you. But if you can get the majority on your side, you're really in business.
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If I were to insult people and mean it, that wouldn't be funny.
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Nobody ever dared with Frank, because he had such mood swings, and you never knew how he was going to react. But I could tell the minute I saw him that he was going to be in my corner.
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I have my own gym. When you do jokes and they sell, you get a gym.
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My whole act is off the top of my head.
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We were Orthodox Jews, but we really didn't deserve it. I mean, bacon - my father said, 'Don't put bacon in the house,' but we had bacon. We didn't keep kosher. And we observed which today would be Conservative Jews. But in those days, we belonged to an Orthodox temple. So we made out we were Orthodox Jews, but we really weren't.
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You know how a fighter always comes into the dressing room way before a fight? That's me - I'm like a fighter.
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Being in the Navy, when I came home, it changed your whole life. You're 18, you go away for two and a half years, you come home - boy, you're a different person.