Don Rickles Quotes
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I have no idea what I'm going to say when I stand up to give a toast. But I do know that anything I say I find funny.
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I say things I get away with, and it becomes a joke.
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I've been to Philadelphia a lot of times over the years, playing the old Celebrity Room and most of the other clubs around there that don't exist anymore.
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Johnny Carson was king of the kings, in my opinion.
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I spent two and a half years in the Philippines in World War II.
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I was always the guy - out of insecurities, I was always making fun, even as a kid.
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I want to be a dog, but I'm a pussycat.
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When I'm onstage, I'm acting.
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I've got an accountant who's been with me forty years. If he makes a mistake, he dies.
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One thing a comedian does, when you step on the stage, you're selling yourself, and certainly I don't think the whole world can love you. But if you can get the majority on your side, you're really in business.
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I have my own gym. When you do jokes and they sell, you get a gym.
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If I were to insult people and mean it, that wouldn't be funny.
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My whole act is off the top of my head.
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Nobody ever dared with Frank, because he had such mood swings, and you never knew how he was going to react. But I could tell the minute I saw him that he was going to be in my corner.
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We were Orthodox Jews, but we really didn't deserve it. I mean, bacon - my father said, 'Don't put bacon in the house,' but we had bacon. We didn't keep kosher. And we observed which today would be Conservative Jews. But in those days, we belonged to an Orthodox temple. So we made out we were Orthodox Jews, but we really weren't.
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You know how a fighter always comes into the dressing room way before a fight? That's me - I'm like a fighter.
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Being in the Navy, when I came home, it changed your whole life. You're 18, you go away for two and a half years, you come home - boy, you're a different person.
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The man I adored, and miss him terribly, was Johnny Carson.