Don Rickles Quotes
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Every night when I go out on stage, there's always one nagging fear in the back of my mind. I'm always afraid that somewhere out there, there is one person in the audience that I'm not going to offend!
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Why should I retire? I'm like a fighter. The bell rings, and you come out and fight.
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I've never had a written script.
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Who picks your clothes - Stevie Wonder?
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To this day, if you gave me $1,000, I really can't stand up - You can tell a joke. You're a good storyteller and a good joke teller.
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Smartphones. Who cares? Smartphones. I only have dummy phones.
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I don't care if the average guy on the street really knows what I'm like, as long as he knows I'm not really a mean, vicious guy. My friends and family know what I'm really like. That's what's important.
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I cannot tell a joke. But I can do a situation, that it becomes a joke.
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Some people say funny things, but I say things funny.
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When I walk down the street in New York, I swear to God, the building constructor, the guy pounding cement and what not, will yell, 'Hey, you hockey puck!'
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I couldn't sell air conditioners on a 98-degree day. When I demonstrated them in a showroom, I pushed the wrong button and blew the circuit.
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My grandchildren just know me now as Mr. Potato Head.
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I think if I took therapy, the doctor would quit. He'd just pick up the couch and walk out of the room.
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The girls, like, in we'll say Hooters, have less clothing than the girls I worked with in those days. We thought it was wild when they just wore little bells and so forth. But today, in restaurants, some of the waitresses almost work in the nude, you know, to get business.
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I'm a New Yorker, originally. I was raised in Jackson Heights. I went to P.S. 148 and then Newtown High School. If World War II didn't come, I'd still be there in school. World War II saved me.
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Everything I've performed has been from my own head.
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An insult is mean or unkind. Milton Berle called me the Sultan of Insult, and I was called the King of Insult. But the guy that gave me the best title - and I use it to this day - was Johnny Carson. He called me Mr. Warmth.
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I stopped smoking. But my personality I still have. I get up in the morning, and not everybody loves me, so if you want to call that a bad habit, there's that.
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My life was in Montreal years ago. Best food in the world.
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I told jokes badly.
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I never went out looking for glory.
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You got to have a lot of courage. Secondly, whatever it is you're doing, you have to believe in it wholeheartedly. Thirdly, you have to be able to stand up in front of people and know that they'll laugh.
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Show business is my life. When I was a kid I sold insurance, but nobody laughed.
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The inaugural of Ronald Reagan, with Frank Sinatra and Dean Martin. And that was the greatest thing. Ronald Reagan and George Bush. That was - I still remember like it was yesterday.