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I shouldn't make fun of the blacks: President Obama is a personal friend of mine. He was over to the house yesterday, but the mop broke.
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I'm not one of those guys who wants to die on a stage.
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Smartphones. Who cares? Smartphones. I only have dummy phones.
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To this day, if you gave me $1,000, I really can't stand up - You can tell a joke. You're a good storyteller and a good joke teller.
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I've never had a written script.
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Everything I've ever done in my whole career, people might not know, I've never written anything down on paper.
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My grandchildren just know me now as Mr. Potato Head.
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I think if I took therapy, the doctor would quit. He'd just pick up the couch and walk out of the room.
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The girls, like, in we'll say Hooters, have less clothing than the girls I worked with in those days. We thought it was wild when they just wore little bells and so forth. But today, in restaurants, some of the waitresses almost work in the nude, you know, to get business.
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Who picks your clothes - Stevie Wonder?
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When I walk down the street in New York, I swear to God, the building constructor, the guy pounding cement and what not, will yell, 'Hey, you hockey puck!'
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I stopped smoking. But my personality I still have. I get up in the morning, and not everybody loves me, so if you want to call that a bad habit, there's that.
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There's a difference between an actual insult and a friendly jab. So I don't think I'm offensive onstage.
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I didn't get married until I was 38.
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An insult is mean or unkind. Milton Berle called me the Sultan of Insult, and I was called the King of Insult. But the guy that gave me the best title - and I use it to this day - was Johnny Carson. He called me Mr. Warmth.
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Some people say funny things, but I say things funny.
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I told jokes badly.
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Show business is my life. When I was a kid I sold insurance, but nobody laughed.
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Everything I've performed has been from my own head.
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My life was in Montreal years ago. Best food in the world.
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You got to have a lot of courage. Secondly, whatever it is you're doing, you have to believe in it wholeheartedly. Thirdly, you have to be able to stand up in front of people and know that they'll laugh.
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Las Vegas is the boiling pot of entertainment.
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I never went out looking for glory.
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The inaugural of Ronald Reagan, with Frank Sinatra and Dean Martin. And that was the greatest thing. Ronald Reagan and George Bush. That was - I still remember like it was yesterday.