Don Rickles Quotes
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Smartphones. Who cares? Smartphones. I only have dummy phones.
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Why should I retire? I'm like a fighter. The bell rings, and you come out and fight.
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I cannot tell a joke. But I can do a situation, that it becomes a joke.
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Who picks your clothes - Stevie Wonder?
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Compared to what comics say today, I'm a monk, but in those days, it was unheard of to make fun of people like I did. Of course, they exaggerated how outrageous I really was.
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In the 45 years I've worked in casinos, I dreamed of being honored by an organization like the American Gaming Association, especially since I don't even have a hunting license.
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I couldn't sell air conditioners on a 98-degree day. When I demonstrated them in a showroom, I pushed the wrong button and blew the circuit.
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There's a difference between an actual insult and a friendly jab. So I don't think I'm offensive onstage.
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I think if I took therapy, the doctor would quit. He'd just pick up the couch and walk out of the room.
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Most people think the character I do onstage is the way I am offstage, but I'm just a regular guy who spends time with his family and who turns on the television and watches a lot of sports.
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Girls were scared of me because I can be loud. Barbara, my wife of 51 years, is very low-key. She was my picture agent's secretary.
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I have no idea what I'm going to say when I stand up to give a toast. But I do know that anything I say I find funny.
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The girls, like, in we'll say Hooters, have less clothing than the girls I worked with in those days. We thought it was wild when they just wore little bells and so forth. But today, in restaurants, some of the waitresses almost work in the nude, you know, to get business.
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Political correctness? In my humor, I never talk about politics. I was never much into all that.
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The young comedians always ask me, 'What's the secret for staying around?' I tell them, 'There is no secret - just stay around. Longevity is the most important thing.'
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I want to be a dog, but I'm a pussycat.
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You got to have a lot of courage. Secondly, whatever it is you're doing, you have to believe in it wholeheartedly. Thirdly, you have to be able to stand up in front of people and know that they'll laugh.
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Everything I've ever done in my whole career, people might not know, I've never written anything down on paper.
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Every night when I go out on stage, there's always one nagging fear in the back of my mind. I'm always afraid that somewhere out there, there is one person in the audience that I'm not going to offend!
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My wife is great. She always goes to the bank to see if the check has cleared.
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Now when I'm not working, I don't really hang out with the young comics.
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To this day, if you gave me $1,000, I really can't stand up - You can tell a joke. You're a good storyteller and a good joke teller.
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Don't call me 'sir; 'King Jew' will do fine.
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I never went out looking for glory.