Don Rickles Quotes
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I was a mother's boy.
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Smartphones. Who cares? Smartphones. I only have dummy phones.
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You can't study comedy; it's within you. It's a personality. My humor is an attitude.
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To this day, if you gave me $1,000, I really can't stand up - You can tell a joke. You're a good storyteller and a good joke teller.
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I cannot tell a joke. But I can do a situation, that it becomes a joke.
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In the 45 years I've worked in casinos, I dreamed of being honored by an organization like the American Gaming Association, especially since I don't even have a hunting license.
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I don't care if the average guy on the street really knows what I'm like, as long as he knows I'm not really a mean, vicious guy. My friends and family know what I'm really like. That's what's important.
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Compared to what comics say today, I'm a monk, but in those days, it was unheard of to make fun of people like I did. Of course, they exaggerated how outrageous I really was.
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Who picks your clothes - Stevie Wonder?
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If I were to insult people and mean it, that wouldn't be funny.
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I couldn't sell air conditioners on a 98-degree day. When I demonstrated them in a showroom, I pushed the wrong button and blew the circuit.
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I have no idea what I'm going to say when I stand up to give a toast. But I do know that anything I say I find funny.
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You got to have a lot of courage. Secondly, whatever it is you're doing, you have to believe in it wholeheartedly. Thirdly, you have to be able to stand up in front of people and know that they'll laugh.
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Diana Krall I met in, I think it was Canada. She's a lovely lady. Her husband, Elvis Costello, is a great star.
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Girls were scared of me because I can be loud. Barbara, my wife of 51 years, is very low-key. She was my picture agent's secretary.
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I still have drive, but everything is relative.
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Political correctness? In my humor, I never talk about politics. I was never much into all that.
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I don't have regrets. I've never sat here and thought, 'Gee, if only I'd done 'The Man Who Came to Dinner' on Broadway, I would have been happier.'
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The young comedians always ask me, 'What's the secret for staying around?' I tell them, 'There is no secret - just stay around. Longevity is the most important thing.'
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There's a difference between an actual insult and a friendly jab. So I don't think I'm offensive onstage.
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The girls, like, in we'll say Hooters, have less clothing than the girls I worked with in those days. We thought it was wild when they just wore little bells and so forth. But today, in restaurants, some of the waitresses almost work in the nude, you know, to get business.
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I want to be a dog, but I'm a pussycat.
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Everything I've ever done in my whole career, people might not know, I've never written anything down on paper.
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I told jokes badly.