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Some people say funny things, but I say things funny.
Don Rickles -
Show business is my life. When I was a kid I sold insurance, but nobody laughed.
Don Rickles
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I shouldn't make fun of the blacks: President Obama is a personal friend of mine. He was over to the house yesterday, but the mop broke.
Don Rickles -
Alan King, a comedian I adored, was considered society, and I was considered the Jewish kid from the neighborhood.
Don Rickles -
The young comedians always ask me, 'What's the secret for staying around?' I tell them, 'There is no secret - just stay around. Longevity is the most important thing.'
Don Rickles -
I was nice to the people in the Philippines for the two and a half years I was there, because I knew eventually I'd have to kiss up to them so my grandchildren could have toys.
Don Rickles -
When you stand alone and sell yourself, you can't please everyone. But when you're different, you can last.
Don Rickles -
I cannot tell a joke. But I can do a situation, that it becomes a joke.
Don Rickles
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I was in World War II; I cried when they took me in the Navy. That's the last time I cried.
Don Rickles -
There's a difference between an actual insult and a friendly jab. So I don't think I'm offensive onstage.
Don Rickles -
I always say, when you're onstage you can't please everybody. I'm sure there are people who may not take to what I do, but that's okay. Thank God the majority are in my corner.
Don Rickles -
I didn't get married until I was 38.
Don Rickles -
My wife came into my life, and my mother still wanted to be the boss.
Don Rickles -
I don't like to compare myself with anybody.
Don Rickles
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My life was in Montreal years ago. Best food in the world.
Don Rickles -
Asians are nice people, but they burn a lot of shirts.
Don Rickles -
You lose your energy, you lose that excitement and it gets the audience up.
Don Rickles -
When I'm onstage, I'm acting.
Don Rickles -
You know what's funny to me? Attitude.
Don Rickles -
Bob Hope was totally regimented. I go in and say a line like, 'Hi Bob' and I'd have to do it five times, and then Bob would take me to the writers to say the line different ways. He wouldn't let me ad-lib.
Don Rickles
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I want to be a dog, but I'm a pussycat.
Don Rickles -
I exaggerate all our selves, our beings. I make fun of everything: of our life and what we are. But I don't tell jokes, really. I just exaggerate life, and it comes out funny.
Don Rickles -
I don't have regrets. I've never sat here and thought, 'Gee, if only I'd done 'The Man Who Came to Dinner' on Broadway, I would have been happier.'
Don Rickles -
I spent two and a half years in the Philippines in World War II.
Don Rickles